Should I (27F) break up with my boyfriend (53M)?
I started a relationship by falling deeply in love with a man twice my age. It is important to note that people still ask for my id since I look like a 17yr old and he looks like he is almost 70 – white hair, not fit and full of wrinkles since he never even thought about wearing spf.
I have been living with him for already 3 months and I just now came home for the holidays.
Being home without him has been very helpful to me because it was able to take some distance and reassess the whole situation.
I am earning almost as much as he does, he does not have many belongings and is not supporting me. So in now way am I his sugar baby.
I don’t know how he convinced me to start this relationship and just now I am wondering how much he has used his life experience in order to manipulate me. Maybe I should mention that I did indeed grow up without a father.
I remember at first when I was scared of having feelings for him that he was so confident and told me “I know that what I am asking from you is an enormous sacrifice and I promise you that I will make it worth it.” However, these 3 months together have shown me he doesn’t know what a sacrifice he is asking from me/he does not care about it.
I chose to be with him despite of everyone telling me to stay away because he seemed like a loving/caring person with emotional intelligence who was willing to make efforts to get to know me and love me. This is really hard to find – he actually did love me very intensely and I felt like a princess while I made him feel like a king. We were in heaven together and experienced joy like two kids.
However now I am not so sure that this is the case.
I feel that he is very happy and does not understand or respect the unfairness of the relationship.
While I am blamed by everyone, my mum stoped talking to me, my sister cries a lot because of this and my friends refuse to go out with me anymore, he is very happy for being in a relationship with me and keeps stressing out how other people are exaggerating and that everyone could die anytime so people should not worry about him dying or getting sick and me caring after him – he had multiple health conditions already and uses many medicines daily.
All of his friends are very proud of him and keep telling him how amazing he is for landing a young hot girl like me (also highly educated with the same job that he has). However, my friends do not want to go out with me anymore because of this, since I am joining parties accompanied by him and people find it unpleasant.
I feel like society is judging us all the time and he is not blending in any social circle I would fit in without problems.
I am a very outgoing person and going out is very important to me. I believe that in the beginning he lied about him wanting to go out as much as I do, as whenever I am not around he just watches tv alone.
He is very vain and does not with to change some things that could make him appear younger. I do not wish to change him but I wish people would stop staring when we kiss because they all thought he is my grandpa.
he still wears brown leather jackets and very dark colored shirts that don’t match anything.
At first he took the time to pick outfits when he went out with me, now it’s just anything he puts his hands on.
I started dying his beard a month ago, since all his hair is white. It does help him look younger but this means that he has to take the time to shave once every 2–3 days because otherwise the white hair from the cheeks grows and does not look good with the black beard.
Few days ago we wanted to go out and I ask him to go shave. He said “come on. It’s almost non perceptible” and I kindly ask him to go and shave – if I saw it, other people will to. He looks in the mirror, decides it is not important and we go out with his beard black and white. I felt embarrassed.
At first he used to take advice from me in order to make me happy – now everything I suggest he rejects it saying that his ways are much better, very modern and that everyone does it that way.
So to me it’s like I got in a relationship with someone who made me believe he was young but was actually hiding his old self – my mum has a lot in common with him, he lately gives answers that my mum would give – my mum is 63.
He does not accept me meeting with other guy friends (I have very many such friends I do not want to give up). I stayed friends with an ex who is a very good friend for me and when I told him I want to have lunch with him he said “I don’t know why you keep testing me.” As if me wanting to go out with my friend could not have been an honest wish – To him, I was testing him. It was about HIM…
I feel like he has shown in this relationship many times how selfish he is. The relationship is one example.
He says he wants to get married and have kids. However, he is 54 and I will not want a child sooner just because he is old. I have a career to continue and I cannot have a child until I am 30. This means that if we have a kid at 30 (assuming he still can) his kid will be 18 when he will be 74.
I can choose to be with someone who might get sick and die, but can I make that choice for the kid?
“Hey kid we love you but you will likely only have both of us until you’re 16 or 18.”
I should mention he is not healthy. He had a heart attack one year at ago and has undergone other surgeries. Now he is stable and doctors say he can live a healthy and happy life if he continues to take the prescribed medicine.
Whenever we have sex I am the one who has to be on top otherwise he loses his election.
He was married before – no kids. However he cheated on her multiple times with hookers. He claims his ex stopped having sex with him and that is the reason.
I feel that this relationship is insane and it is eating me from the inside.
He has mentioned that he has never loved anyone like me before, this is the happiest time in his life and if we break up he will have to reconsider everything from his life.
I feel like he is very dominant and he probably has been manipulating me from the very beginning.
Yesterday when he picked me up we spent one hour together and I caught him on his phone on tinder. When I asked what he is doing he said that he is deleting old conversations and old matches. I asked why. He said that they are old and pointless. Then why wouldn’t he delete the app? Just the conversations and matches… I also noticed that he had changed the age range he had (18–40) to 30–40. When I asked why he said “oh I figured out I could move that thing so I moved it”
We have been discussing lately how hard it will be for me in the future if this relationship continues. The conversation is always opened by me. I think he understood the dangers of being involved with someone so young so as a result he changed his tinder option – 30 to 40. That is all he understood. 3 years.
That is when I figured out that he is a liar and I will never be able to confront him about anything because he will just keep on lying.
He is so vain that he was very insulted when I told him that I did not find him attractive at first. He has been very fat, has saggy skin and is still overweight, has an impressive belly and breasts. His body is objectively not attractive. I started loving it when I started loving him.
So this is my story please help me o it with your honest opinions.
Thank you!
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