Can it be sweet and icky? :-) It happens all the time with older men, younger women so I don’t see why the reverse shouldn’t be fine.

If she is 75, and he is 50…, yeah, why not.
Both (over) middle aged.
No problem, in my book.

Woman 40, ‘man’ 15…, big nope.

Woman 45, man 20…, eh, doable.

You said both are over 30. I see no problem.

I once heard a woman say when her husband turned forty, she was going to trade him in for 2 twenties. A man said back to her that her husband might decide to do the same, and she quickly said everyone knew 20 went into 40 a lot easier than 40 into 20.

Ooooo, clever play on words.
I love it!

I see no problem with the age difference.

Whatever floats their boat.
I don’t have a problem.

It is absolutely their business and no one else’s, as long as there’s no suspicion of illegality (such as misuse or misappropriation of funds) or child neglect or abuse or any other element that would be improper in any relationship.

I’ve known a number of May-December couples where the woman was the elder party. Their only problems appeared to be other people, who I believe should have just minded their own business.

So, you said “wooing”. Is this nonreciprocated affection? If so, then yeah, a little icky. But if the younger one is encouraging it or expressing interest, and they’re both over 30? I have no problem with that. i would argue that it’s a questionable decision by the younger one…but it’s fine. But if the woo is unidirectional, that’s icky.

What’s icky is you disappearing for so long! :D

I knew a couple where the woman was 17 years older. I never found it icky. Unfortunately, the man recently died of cancer. The man was 55 and the woman was 72. I don’t know how long they knew each other.

It is none of our business first and foremost. What the two of them do and what their age difference is up to them and nobody else.

Anything legal between consenting adults is fine with me.

Can I ask should we have a problem with this?

If two people are consenting adults, their relationship choices are none of my business.

I am the her. The man first approached me last June. I was bothered by the age difference.
He stayed persistent, but always respected my boundaries. I appreciated that he didn’t try to pressure me into anything, especially since I haven’t been involved with any man in two decades.
I fully expected him to find someone closer to his own age, so I thought keeping things at conversation only was best.
After a few months, I allowed a kiss. That changed everything. The passion was undeniable, his attraction to me was real.

I just wanted to get the voice of the collective to let me know if I was steering down a bad road.
Of course, there’s a lot more than age to consider, but so far, it has been my biggest concern.

Oh, gee, I guess call me cougar.

@Patty_Melt I think it’s wonderful! Have fun! Roar!!

No problem @Patty_Melt just so you know my step Mom is 16years younger than my Father,and have been married for 18years now, the only little strange thing is my step Mom is only 4 years older than me.

@Patty_Melt You Go!!!!! I am happy for you!

I wondered why we hadn’t seen much of you recently. Congratulations and best wishes for your new relationship.

Yes @Patty_Melt, go have fun!! Love ya girl.

@Patty_Melt, speaking as the younger man, I’ll advise you to have a conversation about his feelings (and yours, of course) about it being a public relationship. I’ve had two relationships at or beyond this age difference, and for me both were more about enjoying the connection more privately but definitely not something I’d want to parade around to friends or family or shared acquaintances. I found both women had different ideas than my form of casual (and caring). Those relationships only lasted a few months as intimate ones.

That said, I’ve also had two long-term relationships with women 15 years older. Both had ideas similar to you regarding men and age differences, but those relationships each lasted 5 years or so.

For me, the worst part of all four relationships was their tastes in music.

I’m glad to have your view on this.
I have tried initiating such conversations. It is tough.
When he does speak on such things, it seems like he’s afraid truth will drive me away.
I have considered the possibility of what you say about your own experiences.
It is still new. I am waiting to see where it goes.

I’ve been hit on a bunch of times by younger men. I don’t think of it as either sweet or icky but I do tend to be cynical about the person’s motives and that makes me leery, and makes me steer clear.

“initiating such conversations. It is tough”
This should NOT be tough to do if you two really love each other.
“When he does speak on such things, it seems like he’s afraid truth will drive me away”
Again, this don’t sound very good to me. How can you have a serious relationship if this is what you are working with?

This hasn’t been very long.
Some men are “gun shy”, so I don’t see it as a barrier against love. When someone has difficulty trusting, time is required.
He has only just begun to open up about certain things.
Trust comes with time, not an auto push button.
Love is not something that happens just because the kisses are good. (Mighty good!)

@Patty_Melt You’re right. Enjoy it and take it as it develops.

@Patty_Melt Don’t doubt yourself. You are worthy of happiness and love. Take it day by day and enjoy every minute of it.

@Patty_Melt People are “gun shy”. Men and Women alike. It all depends on their experiences and family of origin when it comes to relationships.
You are in the right mindset. Take you time. Enjoy. Communication is key no matter the age or age difference.

My thought is “whose business is it unless you are already in a relationship with one of the two mentioned parties.”

Where did people get the idea that they have a right to voice an opinion on things that do not concern them?

I asked for the opinions. I’m glad for the input.

I’m trying to come to terms with something I never expected to face.

That is where people got the idea that their opinions count.

Ok. Generally speaking I’m in the “It’s no one’s business” camp.
But to offer up a page of personal experience, after my folks divorced, my dad married a woman who was only 8 years older than me. She could easily have been an older sister. I was sometimes uncomfortable with it.

I am in the same boat @Dutchess_III , while it’s no one’s business my step Mom is only 4 years older than me and it feels a bit strange but that is my problem,I am happy for my Father.

Ouch!

I’m happy for you, and I think there are so many different ways to be incompatibel…maybe age shouldn’t count for so much. People mature at wildly different speeds, anyway.

My dad also re-married after my parents divorced, and his wife is seven years older than me. It was weird for the first year or so, but now I barely ever think about it. In a way, it’s nice. She’s like a peer to me, so she’s never been tempted to “mother” me in any way. I was a young adult when the divorce was finalized, so I appreciated that.

Well, the question has lasted longer than the situation.

Momma’s boy. Puhleeze!

@Patty_Melt Hope it was fun while it lasted.

Oh, it did have its moments. ;-)

But I’m still a “re virgin”.

OMG! TMI !!!

@Patty_Melt No matter, way to go!

Hooooweeee
We are back together and things have heated up.
I am a confirmed cougar.
Rwaaaaawr!

I though I heard a loud roar last night!

@Patty_Melt Hip, hip, hooray for all the world’s cougars!

So happy for you!

I hope this doesn’t mean you are jilting us.

Yayyyy

@flutherother Yes, @Patty_Melt just might leave us for someone much younger and more attractive.

@Love_my_doggie Hey! I’d leave us for someone younger and more attractive if I found them!

^^^ Oh, you’re a cold, cruel woman, my friend, but I will foolishly continue to love you.

Shhhh
He doesn’t know about me and Fluther.