Social Question

SQUEEKY2's avatar

This is for parents, before your first child did you ever think of how much work, sacrifice, and expense it was going to take?

Asked by SQUEEKY2 (22792points) March 26th, 2023
24 responses
“Great Question” (1points)

I am not trying start any arguments, I am just wondering did you think about the work, sacrifice, and cost it was going to take?
This question isn’t about anything else.

Topics: , ,
Observing members: 0
Composing members: 0


Dutchess_III's avatar

Sure. But I knew it would be more than worth it. Fact I wish I’d had one more.

janbb's avatar

Did I know how much work and sacrifice it would take? I had an idea but no way of really assessing. Nor could I ever have imagined how much joy and fulfillment it would give.

Acrylic's avatar

We’re almost done, kid’s off to university this Fall. Actually, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. Was my wife and I doing our best, working as a team not depending on “the village” to do what is the parents job.

janbb's avatar

^^ And I say “thank goodness for the village so that my kids could learn about life and love from more people than just their parents.”

chyna's avatar

@Acrylic I think if your daughter had gone missing you would be thanking God for that village that would have came out to help find her.

canidmajor's avatar

Yes, @SQUEEKY2, I did. Not only am I savvy enough to recognize that those things would be factors, but everyone and their uncles seemed to enjoy immensely telling me how stupid and selfish and unprepared I was to do such a thing, how much I would regret it, and how miserable my child would be.

And they were wrong. I had the “village” that @Acrylic so decries, and I never, for one single second, was sorry I made the parenting choice that I did.
And I just had lunch with that child, who has grown up to be a delightful adult and a dear friend.

seawulf575's avatar

Yep. No big surprises. And we were prepared to do what was necessary for our kids. Now, when one turned into two it was a bit surprising, but we adapted.

Cupcake's avatar

I thought about it, for sure, but had no idea what it would actually be like in practice. All of my children are quite challenging to raise. My oldest was almost a teenager when I started having more children with my current spouse, so I thought I knew what I was doing. But I was woefully unprepared for each child’s particular needs. And yet, we persist.

flutherother's avatar

We thought about it but these were secondary considerations. We knew we wanted children and we had them and they gave meaning to our lives, and still do.

Dutchess_III's avatar

”....give meaning to our life.” Well said @flutherother.

canidmajor's avatar

You know, @SQUEEKY2, you ask questions like this a lot, where you mention all the things that you (and, to be fair, other childfree people) think are good reasons to not have children, as if those are the only things to consider. I have never been married, but the way you talk about Mrs Squeeky would indicate that she enhances your life in many ways that are not about finances and sacrifice and how much work a marriage would be.

Would it not have been cheaper to simply rent a room by yourself? To not sacrifice your freedom to do whatever you wanted whenever you wanted? To not have to put in the time and effort to care for her when she’s feeling under the weather or needs your help with something that may not be on your priority list?

Most of us choose to have children because we feel that they will enhance and bring joy into our lives.

jca2's avatar

When you have a child, you love them so much, so selflessly, when the child is sick, you’d gladly and willingly take that illness yourself if it meant the child would be well again. If a disaster came, you would without question, take a bullet in place of the child or run in the street to save the child or any number of things like that.

When my daughter was little, I had a lot of stress from working full time with a long, sucky commute but I would love to go back in time right now to when she was so little and so cute. Every time I look at little kids, I think about how much work it was and yet I would do it again in a heartbeat. I say that all the time to friends, when we’re out and we see little kids, I say I would love to go back to that time and have my daughter be little again. She is 15 now, and I know one day I will look back at this time, when I’m driving her and her friends to the school plays or to Girl Scouts to sell cookies, or taking them to the mall, one day I’ll long for this time because it will be no more. I’m cherishing the vacations we go on because I know that in a few years she will be either hanging out with friends more or with a boyfriend or working full time and not be so available to join me on vacations, and I’ll wish for this time again.

@Acrylic I had “a village” with my mom and my stepfather who helped a lot when my daughter was little. My daughter loved her Nana and Nana loved my daughter so much! They were so cute together. My mother died when my daughter was 9 but those 9 years my daughter had with my mother, doing crafts, baking, going on trips, hanging out, playing in the yard, those times were so wonderful for my daughter, she has such great memories. I figured from the get-go that the more positive relationships my daughter has in her life, the better.

To answer the question, before I had my daughter, I knew it would be a lot of work and sacrifice. Fortunately my daughter was pretty easy, but yes, it’s not all fun and games. I’m not a perfect parent, there are no perfect parents, there are no perfect children. I would go back and do it all over again without question, if I could.

kritiper's avatar

You mean whilst they were busy doing the bump??? I doubt it!

SQUEEKY2's avatar

@canidmajor This question wasn’t supposed to start any arguments I just wanted to know if most people actually thought about the cost ,work, and sacrifice having children includes.
One more thing was your daughter’s father involved in her life at all?
Or was it all you?

JLeslie's avatar

I never had kids, but I tried, and I always assumed it would be more challenging than I could imagine, but I think I also was fairly realistic in the amount of work it would take. That’s assuming the child or children were basically healthy physically and mentally.

I never understood people who have some sort of fantasy that their kids will be perfect, and not like those other kids. LOL.

When I think about how much I love my husband and want him to be happy, I imagine it is 100 times more intense with your own children. I didn’t think of it as a sacrifice to take care of your children, even though I understand taking care of your kids becomes the priority. Maybe if I had had children it would have felt like a sacrifice.

I overheard my mom talking to friends when I was around 10 or 11 years old. They were talking about the best times in their lives, and a lot of the women were saying the college years, and my mom said her favorite time was with her children. She didn’t know I was listening. Years later when I told her I heard her say it, she said, yeah, when you and your sister were little. I guess the teen years were not fun for her. Understandable. So, the answers to the Q might vary depending on how old the jelly’s children are. Life is not usually very fun with a 14 year old girl in the house.

Dutchess_III's avatar

As most of us have said @SQUEEKY2, yes we thought briefly about it, then just went for it. Never regretted it.

SnipSnip's avatar

Yes, More than that I had a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I would be mother until I died.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

I am not trying to justify my reasons for not having kids, that wasn’t the reason behind the question.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I don’t think any of us implied you were @SQEEKY2.

canidmajor's avatar

@SQUEEKY2, my post wasn’t meant to be combative, but to try and point out why there is so much more to it than what you have said a number of times. The first question in the Related section to the right is yours, from not long ago. The example of your marriage was something for you to compare it to.

My daughter’s “father” was a vial of genetic material that I purchased from a sperm bank, which is why I got so much crap from everybody. So yeah, all me.

NoMore's avatar

Not really. And I have always enjoyed doing for my family anyway. Now I have grands and I cannot be out done, damn the expense. Bought my grand daughter and I phone for her birthday. She can’t be the only girl in Jr. High without and I phone. Unacceptable. And I’m talking a real high dollar I phone not a cheapy android like I have. Got the younger grands an X box video game system. It’s only money. That may have been a bad idea, all they do fight over whether they play Zoo Tycoon or Fortnight.

raum's avatar

Yes, you should consider all of those things before deciding to have a kid. And we did.

It’s been both harder and easier than we thought. But more rewarding than we could have possibly imagined.

kritiper's avatar

Long ago, I considered having children or not and concluded that there were already too many people on this Earth as it is, and that I did not want to bring any more into it. I have never regretted my decision.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

That’s one of my many reasons as well @kritiper but it really wasn’t the question asked.

Answer this question




to answer.

Mobile | Desktop

Send Feedback