Sounds like my mother and I. The pain does lessen, I promise, but its pretty lonely for me.
I wish you the best, take it easy on yourself. Hugs.

It is pretty lonely. My siblings experiencing the same though. I know therapy will help. I am just so overwhelmed and hurt beyond belief.

Forgot how much I have downplayed and pretended never happened.

I had to learn to let the past go, so I can have a happier life. I hope therapy and time get you there. :)

So sorry to hear this. Therapy and working through this will help.

I had a very complicated relationship with my mother. I lived fairly close to her for much of my adult life but she moved to the other coast for the last five years of her life to be near my brother. That helped me resolve some of my feelings when she eventually died. I think the fact of your Mom’s sudden death probably makes your feelings much harder to deal with. While she was alive and nearby, my feelings about my mother were very turbulent.