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Lovelocke's avatar

My cheeseburger had a staple in it. What should I do?

I just got back from a brief visit to Waffle House. I ordered two of the cheeseburgers there, and in one of the last bites of the first burger, I “chewed” something that I thought was some kind of chicken bone (a possibility I would accept since they cook everything on one flat surface).

As I “chewed” to pull the object out, I got a feel for what it was… it began to feel more like a fingernail, which I would’ve been pissed at and left on the spot. When I pulled it out and looked at it, finding it was a chewed up staple, my girlfriend stopped mid-sentence and asked “Was that in your food?”

I said “I’m going to the bathroom for a moment then. Put your hand up and tell them what happened, please”.

The waitress took the staple and showed it to “the people working there”. When I came out of the restroom and sat down, my girlfriend said they came to her and said something pretty ridiculous: “It must’ve come from the manufacturer”.

I said “The f—- it did… that’s insane, we’re leaving”. My girlfriend stopped and said “Wait! They only comped your food, I still have to pay for mine”

“The hell you do”.

I walked up to the counter and the waitress stupidly said “It’s just $2 for the chili”. I looked at her like I was going to kill her, I guess, because the manager appeared and said “Oh no sir, the whole ticket’s comped… don’t worry about it”.

I said “Thank you”, and we left.

Anyway, maybe it’s my imagination, but I feel like the left side of my tongue might be swelling up. While I was talking to my girl on the drive home, I said “That’s wierd, I wonder if I bit my tongue somewhere along the way… oh wait, this is a dumbass moment, isn’t it?”

Then I looked in the mirror at my tongue. She said “I don’t get it? What’s a dumbass moment?”

“I bit into a staple earlier and now I feel like my tongue might be getting fatter… the fact that I don’t look at it before I die would imply I’m a dumbass”.

Anyway, I looked at it and it “seems” like it’s the same size as the other side of my tongue, but I do “notice” it slipping in between the teeth on that side as I speak out loud… it’s “noticable”.

Do you think something’s happening to me? I have no insurance, and I have never had a Tetanus Shot. What happens to me if, in the middle of the night, I can’t breathe? What can or should I do if I’m faced with that kind of problem as a result of the staple?

I’m not sure that’s the problem… it could be my imagination. I used to wrestle in barbed wire and get scratched by metal surfaces that have been standing probably longer than I have and never caught any kind of infection… so, I have reason to believe I could resist whatever this is… but, I’d like to have a plan just in case.

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