At the moment, I’m reading Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. In it, she tells a story about how the Dalai Lama came to the US for a conference, and during a Q&A, someone asked him about how to deal with self-hatred. He had no idea what that was. Someone had to explain the concept to him. “How could anyone feel that way about themselves, when we are all of Buddha nature?”
In a way, I think he was saying that we are all worthy regardless. We are here and we are part of the whole regardless. Our culture leads us to think that we must prove ourselves, right down to our own nuclear families, and that sort of disconnection breeds depression, self-hatred and negativity. I don’t know if its positive thinking that works as much as mindfulness, knowing that our thoughts are just thoughts and not us and learning to accept our feelings so that they flow through us and move on. Believe me, I’m at the very start of learning what this means after years of resistance and fear, and the “affirmations & happy self-talk” business isn’t working. To paraphrase John Lennon, I’m just looking to give myself some truth.
One of the few things I have taken from the religion I was raised in is the notion of “Whatever one thinks about themselves, so they are.” And I think I can experience what I’m feeling mindfully, with acceptance (and not some wish-it-away-happy-happy bs) and keep going without rancor or self-loathing.