I moderated myself and removed my own answer. Please disregard my waste of space here.

I think the rules might be a little more lenient with girls asking boys out. For example, a girl can go up to a guy and say “You’re really cute, wanna go out sometime?” without being thought of as creepy. It’s a hit or miss thing with guys. Some girls will eat that up, some will smack him down. I’m sure there are more differences, but outside of two boyfriends in high school, I never really asked anyone out.

How about (after a conversation) “It was nice talking to you. I’d like to talk to you tomorrow morning, too. Should I call or just nudge you…?” ;-)

I think shilolo needs to give credit for his answer :P

assuming the guy is interested and just too shy to ask the girl out, I think it really doesn’t matter what the girl would say. The guy will just be glad and relieved that the girl asked.

One thing though: the girl should be clear about what she asks, since the guy is shy he might be interpreting ‘hanging out’ as not being a ‘date’.

I like option 1, though meemorize has a point…it may not be clear that it’s a date. I love your tags, by the way!

from a guy’s perspective…

Definitely face to face. Just ask if he wants to get a drink sometime. If you do this, I am certain that right away you will know whether or not he’s really interested. By you asking, you will have made the first move, and then the ball will be in his court so to speak, and he will have to actually make it happen. If he makes it happen, he interested!!

Ug. I’m still not convinced about asking guys out even though I have done it lots. But, I think the best way to do it is to invite them for a drink, or in my case, sometimes a bike ride : )

Guys can be simple. And dense.

I am overjoyed when a woman asks me out. The woman I just started dating used the awkward method, just as you described Niki. We had an awesome conversation, and at the end of it, it sounded like this:

Her: “So what do you do on Sunday’s?” (it was Saturday night)
Me: “Umm, what do you mean?”
Her: “Well, I was kinda thinking, um, maybe, you wanted to get together?”
Me: “Ohhhhhhh!!!!!! [Adam realizes she wants to go on a date.] Do you want to get coffee tomorrow?”
Her: “I’d love to!”
Me: (Happy!)

I’m very grateful she was fairly direct with me. I can be such a nimrod when it comes to reading a woman’s interest in me. I probably would never have had the balls to ask, unless we became good friends, and her interest became really obvious. So, what is the best way to ask a guy out? Any way that he gets it.

For the first date proposition, do it face to face, cause you’ll be able to gauge whether the guy is interested or not based on his reaction both verbal and physical.

Asking him out for a drink is hands down the easiest way to get a date going, and it works for teetotalers too cause a drink can mean coffee too. Pretty much everyone drinks something, unlike say indoor rock climbing or outdoor skating or even bowling. And the first date shouldn’t really be a movie unless you’re fine with not talking for 1.5–2 hours of your date.

Yes, it’s very important to make sure the guy knows it’s a date and not just hanging out. You can do this non-verbally by flirting with him during the first date, as well as by concluding the date with something along the lines of, “This was really fun, I love spending time with you, would you be interested in another date sometime?” In my experience, girls tend to be able to read between the lines, pick up on non verbal cues, or communicate one message inside another more than guys do; being explicit and obvious in your intentions is appreciated by guys more than hinting and suggesting at something without actually saying it. Ah, just like what Trustinglife says too!

Have you tried, would you like to go to the _____________ with me? It just might work.

I’m surprised no one has yet suggesting clubbing him over the head, and dragging him to your cave. The heck with formalities!

I agree with a lot of the suggestions here that basically boil down to: It was great talking to you, want to go ________ and ________? My favorites being “to XX museum and dinner”. Um, only because that’s how my first date (with this boyfriend) went.

So maybe: It was really great talking to you, I’d love to take you to dinner and get to know you better.

Be direct! this from the woman that yelled at her know husband, while trying to ask him out for lunch…only to flee when he said yes and set up time & place for said lunch. He waited and called me later that day and said, “let’s just go out for dinner, if you promise not to yell at me! :)

Flatter him. “Hi, you’re cute, and you seem intelligent. I recognize that you have great earning potential, and are, as far as I can tell, well hung. Would you like to join me later for tapas and espresso?”
Should do the trick.

@Knotmyday: Do you have any suggestions how to fully vet the well-hung issue before actually engaging in intercourse? I would really like to know if he has any problems down there before the first date, ideally. Maybe a questionnaire?

Nah, simply hold up a banana and a stir stick and say “which one is most like your penis”? ;)

What if the stir stick is too big?

@niki—I’m with you girl—would be nice to know ; )

The Crocodile Dundee Australian Handshake. Works every time. Remember to wash after.

@Knotmyday: Brilliant. I guess that would serve the dual purpose of removing any ambiguity about whether “hanging out” was intended to be “just friends”....

I just realised…all those girls were asking me out? Man, so many years of dating wasted!
I think Trustinglife was spot on when he described men as “thick”. We make the walls on a nuclear reactor look like cigarette papers. We don’t get hints.
I don’t even get obvious hints. Like this girl who once told me “I told my parents I’m sleeping at your place tonight”. My obvious answer: ”...so where are you really sleeping? You see, I only have one bed”. “Maybe we could share it then?” ”...” no, I STILL didn’t get the hint even after THAT. She had to take her clothes off for me to start suspecting she might actually like me.

My advice? Spell it out. Tell him you like him, that you’d like to spend more time with him. He’ll eventually get it.

As for Niki and Emily’s question: unfortunately there is no way, you have to open the package to see what’s inside, and hey isn’t that one of the best parts of dating?

hahahhahahha @ “uhhh i only have one bed” . good work jack :)

@jack: Trust me, it’s not a man thing. My mother and I are just the same. Whenever a male friend would want to spend a lot more time with me alone, I just thought that we were becoming better friends. If he dropped everything to listen to me cry about a fight I had with my mother or another my friend, I just figured he was returning the favor because I had done the same thing for him. It usually takes a female friend of mine saying something like “Wow, John’s sure hanging around a lot. I think he likes you,” about three or four times before I actually believe her. You are not alone. :)

@jack—it’s only one of the best parts of dating when you get what you expected. otherwise, no :)

@trusting—I have somewhat recently become a strong believer in the “he’s just not that into you” theory, which does not tend to leave a lot of room for guys being dense. Would you say that given your shyness or potential denseness, that had this lovely lady not made the first move, you would have eventually asked her out on your own without her gentle prodding?

@emily, this is a very good question. While I haven’t read the book by that title, I’ve wondered about the “he’s just not that into you” theory too. As I said above… “I probably would never have had the balls to ask, unless we became good friends, and her interest became really obvious.”

The real question (for myself) is the reason for the lack of balls:

Is it fear of going for something I really want?
Or is it fear of potential rejection + not really being that interested?

That’s the real question. In this case, I don’t get to know. But I’ve wondered the same thing: whether I’m really that into her. For now, I’m enjoying the ride.

@emily: I think “he’s just not that into you” is a useful razor that has to be applied judiciously, not universally. Some guys will ask you out immediately, even if you’ve shown no interest whatsoever; some guys need a little encouragement; some guys need a LOT of encouragement; some guys will never figure it out.

I think when it REALLY comes in handy is when you’re trying to rationalize conflicting behaviors. Like—yes, maybe the reason he doesn’t want to call you his girlfriend in front of his friends is because he’s emotionally damaged from the loss of his dog and has abandonment issues because his father left when he was 4 and this is a stressful time for him at work because of that big promotion…

…or maybe he’s just not that into you.

Very insightful, Niki. Yay, I just lurved you over 5,000!

@niki—yeah I know what you mean, but even the asking out part is showing up for me right now and every time that theory is proven right! I may still make very casual references like “we should hang out sometime” but I’m not going to go out of my way…..

@trusting—congrats on the lurve!

thanks @trustinglife!!! :)

So for those of you still following, we had this conversation today:

NIKIPEDIA: So today is my last day rotating in this lab. We should hang out sometime.
CLUELESS GUY: Cool, I’ll get in touch with you on facebook.
NIKIPEDIA: Well, uh, my facebook was taken away from me….long story. You should email me sometime, and we should get a drink or something.
CLUELESS GUY: Yeah, definitely.

I hope he emails me…...!

Should have ended the last sentence ”...a drink, or go condom-shopping or something.”

Innocuous, yet tantalizing.

Good luck niki!

Keep us posted!

@Niki, guys can be so clueless. What I wonder now is, Was he not that into you, and just being polite? Or might he potentially be very interested; he just missed all your signals? Or would you even care, since he’s got to do the pursuing?

Also, I didn’t realize it was YOU that deactivated your Facebook! I thought you really meant it was your friend. How is that going for you? Maybe you could message me if you want to reply, as it’s off-topic.

Be up front and honest.Guys tend to be clueless when it comes to girls.So if you like a guy,just tell him and ask him to do something.Maybe with a couple other people so there’s not any sort of awkwardness.