May not be the worst but, I have a Dalmatian that ate my Bible. I later told my pastor that I had a dog that was “Full of the Word!”

I have a dog that eats literally everything he can. It’s starvation mentality, I believe. Anyway he’s eaten lightbulbs, paper, drywall, paint, stuffing (the kind in stuffed animals), batteries, and so many other things. One time my mom caught him licking thumbtacks off of the floor like they were candy. I have absolutely no idea how he’s still alive. Anyways hes eaten a lot of really precious things, like this picture my mom had of her dead cat, her only one and her only copy. He ate one of her credit cards, too, and part of a blanket my adopted father gave to me before he died.

My dog knocked the Christmas tree over on Thursday morning. It wasn’t really his fault though; the tree had been leaning for weeks. And only one ornament broke, and it wasn’t a sentimental one.

my old labrador Coco was a 14 week old puppy and I went out with Bill on a first date. we took Coco to the beach with Bill driving his very new car which had been a 30th birthday present to himself (his dream car). on the way back we stopped for something to eat and left Coco sleeping in the car (she seemed tired out). 45 minutes later we returned to the car and she had eaten the leather off the steering wheel and around the stick, and the corner of the passenger seat. I hardly knew Bill at that time and all I could say was “I,ll get you another car” He didnt lose his temper, just went quiet and said “you cant” We actually got married a year later.

I tend to leave my retainers on my nightstand, and one day my doggy jumped up on my bed and got on the nightstand and took my bottom retainer. I had to spend over 300$ on a new retainer! Stupid me leaves my new retainer on the nightstand again.. And she takes that one! My friend cleaned under my coffee table and found my old one (1st one I lost) and now I wear the old one.. Still don’t know were the hell the brand new one is. Also I have tons of chewed up shoes :( and they’re always my favorite ones like she knows!

Actually I keep remembering a few worst things, – have always had labradors and a couple were chewers when they were little. Meg and bailey stole my mums false boob off her bedroom chair when she was staying with me(she had a mastectomy) and threw it happily round the garden. She was nice about it, it had every charactaristic of an ideal labrador toy, a squishy, gel filled thing about the size of a ball…...........

my dog (well, my MOTHER’S dog) jumped our fence and ran out to the street where a woman and her child were walking and refused to let them walk past him. he’s about my height (>5’3”) and has 2 different colour eyes (one is like really pale blue) and big boned. i can imagine being fucking terrified if i were them.

My fluffsicle peed in my lap when she was a puppy on a long car ride because she didn’t know yet how to show us she needed to go out. Nothing grosses out a nine year old more. Nothing.

And we had a temporarily adopted dog named Blacky or Blackface I named it before I knew what racism was. He chewed off just the face of my life sized soft cabbage patch doll that looked like me. Fucker.

Obviously, he knew what racism was.

I had my laptop opened up on the floor i left for like 5 minutes to go get something from the kitchen and my dog peed on it (right on top of the keyboard area) pee got all inside of the hardrive and battery it broke and my dog decided to do this like a month after the warranty ended.

Freakin’ Max. Really that’s all I can say. The most disturbing thing Max has ever done is eat bras. If there is a bra to be found, Max will sniff it out and munch on it. Not undies, shirts, pants, or any other article of clothing, only bras. Ugh.

@gimmedat i love max stories. He can be our version of Marley. His Christmas eve sickness was pretty darn funny.

I’m going to try to type through my tears here. I’m in stitches! What hysterical stories! ~~~ Our black lab never tore or chewed anything up, but one year my mom, our daughters & I went Christmas shopping. We’d left Casey in the house. When we got back, she was lying on the living room floor literally groaning. She’d eaten a whole plate of fudge that’d been on the coffee table. Believe me, I got her outside fast! Animals aren’t supposed to have chocolate. It’s a wonder it didn’t kill her or at least make her deathly sick, but she recovered fine.

Our Labs, Calvin (yellow) and Hobbes (chocolate) sabotage our RV trips. This summer, the evening before we were leaving for Colorado Springs, they escaped from our backyard and disappeared. It turns out they spent the night frolicking in the lake in our neighborhood. We spent the next day searching and crying and handing out flyers. In desperation, my husband decided to go to the pound to see if anyone had picked them up. On the way there, he saw Calvin and Hobbes under a tree on the side of a busy road just waiting to be picked up.

On the Sunday before we were going out of town for Thanksgiving, the two of them got in a huge fight. Calvin had to have multiple stitches and Hobbes had to have staples. They got to stay at the vet for the entire week of Thanksgiving.

Obviously, they don’t want us to get out of Abilene.

My golden retriever Ember woke me up hacking. I opened my eyes to see her standing over me in the bed then vomit right on the bedspread where my chest was. I let her out and tried not to puke myself as I cleaned it.

My boxer waited til i got in the shower, ran straight for the kitchen and ate a pan full of brownies. The second I turned off the shower, I heard something hit the floor in the kitchen. I knew immediately and ran into the kitchen (sorry for that image of me running into kitchen). Luckily he didn’t get sick from it but got yelled at.

I once had an evil, evil cat. She was all black, named ‘Baby’ (mis-named). She would sit on the top of a very tall bookcase, and launch herself off – onto passers-by heads. She also used to hide under the coffee table, and jump out to wrap herself around one’s ankle, biting and clawing. She was capable of opening closed doors, as long as they weren’t locked, and got into my room and had my goldfish on the floor, ripping his fins before I caught her. (He lived) But the worst thing she ever did was open the freezer while no one was home. We returned to find every package of meat on the kitchen floor. Each and every one had holes and bite marks in the packaging. She was sitting on top of the freezer when we came in, looking supremely satisfied.

Our dog has eaten everything from DS lites, to cell phones, to couches, to pillows and shoes. Other than that, she’s an Angel.

My mantis shrimp almost broke my index before, that wasnt fun….

index finger*

@asmonet—ahahahaha! My aunt has a black dog named Sambo. When she named him, I was like, ”...Really?” She said it was because when she was a kid she loved The Story of Little Black Sambo. I pointed out that she knew that and I knew that but were the neighbors going to know that when she stood on the back porch and called the dog inside?

When I was a kid, I had a dachshund called Buddha. She wasn’t totally house trained, so we used short gates to keep her in the parts of the house without carpeting. One Easter, while we were out of the house having dinner at my mother’s sister’s house, Buddha jumped the little fence into the living room and raided my Easter basket. She even opened the box the chocolate bunny was in and ate that. There was NOTHING left but foil wrapping.

@MacBean: Racist pets make the best stories. :D
@uber: How did a shrimp almost break your finger. Are you deficient in every nutrient?!

EDIT: Nevermind, I googled it. Holy fuck. How do you keep it in the tank when it can shatter glass?

@asmonet i just LOL’d :P. I have him in a very large tank so he doesnt feel like hes contained in a small place so he has no need to hit the glass. That is as long as i dont taught him through the glass.im not that stupid, but some of my guests have tried….

@uber & asmonet—I just googled it, too. Now I’m going to have nightmares. :(

@Macbean awww no nightmares, vladamira is a sweety. :)

speaking of racist pets, my dog used to flip out when the jeffersons came on. all in the family was okay, but she hated george jefferson (especially!) with a passion. there was a box near the tv and she would jump on it and put her little feet on the television and snarl at him.

@uber: A sweetie who almost took your finger. And her name brings to mind the title of “The Impaler”. So yeah, I’m sure she’s a pound of sugar.

@tiffy: That’s not so uncommon, I’ve had racist dogs before and one of my friends dogs will all but attack the Chinese delivery guys. :-p

i dont know what your talking about asmonet :P