It seems to me that sex is never just sex. I don’t care if you think it’s casual or just hooking up; it’s not as casual as you think. Now, normally, I would be saying this about men, who seem, on average, to have a more casual attitude towards sex. I think they are deluding themselves. But you’re a woman.
You’re the man’s dream. She wants sex, no strings attached. I’m on it!
As I said, I don’t believe it. I think that sometimes we settle for sex as a proxy for intimacy; after all, what could be more intimate? Yet we can wall off certain parts of ourselves, so we don’t feel the incredible sadness of intimacy without intimacy.
So I’m with the rest of your answerers. I think you’re lonely. But even more, I think you crave true intimacy, the kind that often comes along with sex. I don’t believe it has to be an exclusive, committed relationship, but that does help people feel more secure about being so vulnerable with each other.
Which brings me to boundaries. What the hell are boundaries? I don’t know if I can explain it. It has to do with a sense of self so that you know where you end and the other person begins. It seems counter-intuitive to say you have to have a strong sense of your boundaries if you are to have a relationship. After all, isn’t that the point? To mush up the boundaries? Well, if your boundaries are already mushy, then you can’t ever tell when you are truly connecting with someone else. It might just be your own mush.
I believe that casual sex is associated with mushy boundaries. I could be wrong. It’s only a theory.
Sometimes people say you have to really know yourself in order to have a relationship with someone else. I don’t know if I buy into that, because I used relationships to know myself. However, I do think there is something to that. Whether you get it on your own, or in a relationship, you have to figure out where you end and where others begin. For that, you need honesty, either with yourself, or from someone else. You have to be able to trust them. If you have mushy boundaries, it can be very difficult to know who to trust.
Ok. That’s enough. I could go on. But who knows, I could be way off here. If I am, my apologies. I am trying to say this from a point of humility, not arrogance, but lord knows my boundaries on that one are pretty mushy! ;-)