@cwilbur: ”The problem is that in face-to-face relationships there are a lot of little cues we pick up on that tell us just how seriously (or not seriously) the other person is taking it.”
You’re right. We don’t have this in online relationships, and so it is easier to be fooled. I would venture to say that you never truly know what a person is about until you meet them personally. Why do business people fly halfway around the world for a handshake? They know you can’t really assess the trustworthiness of someone until you meet them.
In the absence of all that information that we collect subconsciously, I think we make it up. Unfortunately, we usually do that without being aware we are doing that. Many years ago, I was perusing the personals in The Voice. These ads are about three lines long. I would read them, and I would make up a whole story and a whole personality behind them, and then write to that person I had made up. It took me a while to realize I was doing this.
Since I didn’t ever meet any of these people, I figure that either I was wrong in my fantasy of who they were, or I didn’t present myself in a way that interested them. Of course, everything I said was a lie in the sense that one can never characterize oneself accurately. One may not see oneself clearly. One may not even be aware of quite a lot about oneself.
I am certain that goes on online, too. That’s why I’m wary. As long as I don’t take things to mean too much, I’m ok. It’s when I lose hold of my common sense and follow my impulses that I get in trouble. Of course, that is typical behavior for someone who is bipolar. If I could show you my correspondence from that time, you’d see how up and down and impulsive I was. You’d be able to track the exact days when my mania was at it’s strongest, and the days when I switched and started heading down. It’s frightening and fascinating at the same time. No one who I was writing to could truly understand what was going on. I just looked erratic and mean. I don’t believe I really am that way, normally.