lol, I’ve had some girlfriends try to use it to “control the relationship” (those relationships never work)

I’d usually do anything for sex…
so yes :D

Some people do, it depends on the couple. If one is more “needy” then the other it puts them at a disadvantage. This happens most when one is more immature than the other (lusting for sex is something you outgrow)

Most cases of young people 25> the male thinks he has a desperate need, or the female thinks he does, putting the female at an advantage.

In cases where sex is used as a tool, it never works and the couple have only about a 40% chance of survival. It all depends on the dominate one giving in.

Sex should never be withheld in exchange for favors. that’s the same as selling sex for what you want, and you know what that makes you….

I’m not positive, but I think so.

PPFFTT! That’d never work in this house! On either side.

Duh… Yes.

My father told me that my mother tried to do that with him in the line “if you don’t do this for me, you won’t get any”. But he didn’t really fall for it, and just said “okay, fine.” That ended quickly!

I don’t use sex to manipulate in my relationship. My guy seems to have grown out of that “needy” phase so he’s not desperate to have it all the time. I doubt I could manipulate him with it if I tried.

I hear you. We’ve never used sex as a punishment OR a reward. That’s childish.

If I used a sex embargo against my husband for some reason, that would mean I wouldn’t get any sex either. I can’t think of a good reason to do that.

I certainly have, but never within a relationship. I use my sexuality (moreso than the act of sex itself) to get what I want, which will occasionally turn into a casual, purely physical relationship.

There are definitely some women that I would volunteer to be manipulated by if this is true.

If my wife tried that with me, she knows what would happen. It’s like laureth said up there. Sex as a weapon, or a reward, is silly. Now Oreo cookies on the other hand…

It’s kind of like OPEC. If you have something that half of the world wants really bad there is the temptation to use it to get what you want. While you can get “oil” on your own (Alaska) it is never satisfying enough. You can get help from an “oil” buddy (Great Britain) but you still have a limited source. But to get all the “oil” you want, you have to put up with a lot of manipulation (OPEC)

My advice is if you are being yanked around a lot consider going green.

There once was a woman who said “I’m cutting you off”

then the man said “HA! You don’t know the source!”

They go to court next Friday.

Some do and some don’t. I think it depends on personality, and what they believe their sources of power in the relationship are.

Some manipulation is probably subtle—the kind of flirting that women can do to soften up a guy and make him think she likes him. It works within relationships, too, since it can make an guy more eager to do what she wants. I don’t even know if this kind of activity should even be called manipulation.

I’m sure it’s rarely purely overt: “honey, buy me that coat, or you’re gonna be sleeping in the den.” Though that probably happens. It probably depends on the way the relationship started, and the way the people think their roles should be played.

All I know is that manipulation sucks, whether it’s between spouses, or between anyone else.

Well heck, if we define “sex” and “manipulation” broadly enough, beer commercials would count.

@fireside: Well HELLO there, wink wink.

@TitsMcGhee – why sure, i would be glad to drive to NYC and give you a ride to the grocery store. it will only take me 6 hours to get there. i hope that’s ok. If not, i can look into a last minute plane ticket…

lol

@fireside: Well I’m not back in the city until the 24th, if that gives you more planning time. But hey, I can always use a ride to the grocery store…. And pshaw, six hours… I drove thirteen hour for sex once… That there is dedication. (It was totally worth it though :P )

They certainly do. Lots. But not in healthy, caring, loving relationships.

I hate to start a tangent here but, seriously, what female on here has ever been intimidated by a male threatening to withhold sex? I hate to be the knuckle dragger here but, really, come on.

Intimidated? Probably not many. Annoyed? I have been, on occasion.

Oh dear, I know a number of women who don’t know what the hell is going on with their husbands. All they know is that their husbands are withholding sex. It’s probably not deliberate, and there are probably complicated reasons for it to happen, but these women are terribly happy because of it.

@laureth: I think beer commercials totally belong in this category, as do a lot of other commercials. They say “sex sells.” If that isn’t using sex to manipulate, I don’t know what is.

in order: yes, yes, yes, some do.
probably the hardest to answer is: do they do it consciously. my opinion? some people use sex to actively get what they want, they are meaninful in every action and they generally believe the ends justify the mean they’re using. some don’t realise what they’re doing to the other person, completely oblivious, or they try and rationalize some kind of excuse to justify it in their right mind.

in the end, sex is power. perhaps ” to manipulate” is not the exact term, but to have some degree of influence, definitely. still, you might as well enjoy it.

I definitely think that it occurs, however, personally, I do not see it happen in my relationship.
If he’s not getting action, neither am I, why punish me for something he has done. There is better way of dealing with problems than withholding sex or using it as leverage in a relationship.

What really bugs me is that women are usually the ones who use sex as a weapon. I’ve never heard a friend say her boyfriend is using sex as a weapon or the lack of sex as punishment. This only proves that us women need to stop doing this because we look really desperate and insecure. There are many other ways to punish men for their bad behavior… ;)

Like TitsMcGhee, I used to use my sexuality…not so much as a means of manipulation, but in ways that made me feel powerful. I suppose that the end result was sometimes manipulative, but that wasn’t really my intent. I outgrew those days long ago.

yes they do, even though women are better at it (after centuries of experience). Unfortunately for them, sex is easily available nowadays, which means that if they overdo the manipulation, their man may just find someone else and not bother anymore.

@May2689, yeah, cooking for us comes to mind, or inviting your Mother to stay for a few days. :-)

@evelyns_pet_zebra: Hahahaha great idea! Loved it.. muahahahaha

I sure hope so!
I just, can-not be the only one!