What??? Are you kidding????
If you stop drinking, then you’ll have to hang out with really dull nerdy people. You’ll be going to couple dances, and symphonic concerts, and the ballet, and, for god’s sake, you might even go to the theatre!!!
I know. I know. This vision sounds worse than that conversation about hell that’s going on over there.
Oh, wait. If you stop drinking, you’ll stop blacking out, and finding yourself in some strange bed when you wake up, not even knowing which of the guys in the house belongs to the bed. How the hell are you going to get laid if you stop drinking??? Huh??? Tell me that???
Oh my god, you might even have to go out to dinner, and drink wine!!! How bourgeois. Drinking and not getting drunk??? Eating good food? Oh, horrors! You don’t want to turn into your parents do you??? God forbid!
No. I’m sorry. It’s out of the question. I can’t even believe you asked. You should be ashamed of yourself! I just don’t know if I can be seen with you any more.
Sheesh. And she’s into neuroscience, too.