When my grandma came home at night most of the time she would say, “how do you always know when I’m drunk?”
My grandpa would often sit in the front room and yell, at the top of his lungs, ”I’M HUNGRYYYYYY!!!” To which grandma would reply, “I just told you I’m cookin’ it ya senile son of a bitch.” He would then turn purple from laughing so hard.
When Jehovah’s Witnesses would come to the door my grandpa would answer the door with a 12-gauge shotgun. He would point it at them and say, “Look you all better leave before my wife gets home. She really doesn’t like you people.”
Personal favorite…
My grandma was getting arrested for assault. (She hit my drunk aunt on the arm with a paint stirrer… weak.) As the cops were reading her her rights she said, “If I knew I was gonna get arrested for it I would’ve used a fucking baseball bat.”
Damn I love older people. They always seem to be able to get away with anything.