Ever see the Simpsons episode where Homer is on a business trip with a co-worker who has the hots for him? They’re having dinner at a Chinese restaurant and he doesn’t know if he should act on this or be faithful to Marge. He opens his fortune cookie and it says, “You will find happiness with a new love.” Now Homer’s heart is telling him just the opposite, but food has never let him down before, so he doesn’t know what to do. Then they show a shot of the kitchen, one of the servers says to the manager, “we’re all out of new love fortune cookies.” To which the manager replies, “open up the stick with your wife barrel”.
That ought to tell you all you need to know about what fortunes in fortune cookies mean.