I don’t have counter space in my bathroom, but when I get all dolled up (or have more time to get ready than usual) I use all sorts of heat appliances on my hair. I set them in the sink or on the floor while they’re on but not in use for a moment.

I once stepped, totally barefoot, on a big, very hot curling iron with the arch of my foot. OWCH!!! I was limping around for a while.

I felt like Michael Scott.

When I was super-pregnant, like out to here, I just did not correctly register my body space. Standing at the stove, I (a) burnt my belly on a frying pan and (b) burnt my swollen DD’s on a spaghetti pot. I wore burn marks in both places for months.

How come you don’t want to hear about my noble injuries?

Ok. Just after returning from a week long trip in a motorhome with first husband and two little kids, I was so glad to be home, I felt like celebrating. Plan was to run across living room and jump into nubby’s arms. Did I warn him? Of course not. He would have said something along the line of “hell, no!”.
So I just took off in a dead run, flung myself in the air. Did he catch me? Hell, no! Landed on my foot and the crack of my bone echoed throughout the house. Broke my foot.

My brother broke his pinky toe when he dropped a bowling ball on it while bowling.

When I was learning to twirl a three section staff I smacked myself more times than I can count. I walked around for weeks with huge welts on my forehead, lucky for me this was the mid-90’s when heavy bangs were stylish.

You MUST jump in Gimme, Kung Fu kicks in the kitchen or “nose” dives in the pool anyone?

Depends on the definition of stupid…but I managed to bruise several ribs in a manor that had everyone in the ER laughing, so….

I was washing my hair in the shower in my dorm room and I looked up and there was a spider dangling directly over my head….well…I have arachnophobia….so, of course, I lose all rational thought and I turned to run…

Lesson: You can’t run out of a bathtub…

I hit the edge of the tub, slipped, fell, and landed on all fours arms outside of the tub, knees inside. I hit myself across the edge of the tube REALLY hard….it wasn’t until I had pulled myself back into the tub (AWAY from the spider) that I had the time to think “That was DUMB” and “Ow”.

I saw the university doctor who sent me on to the ER because she was concerned I might have lacerated my liver. I was subjected to lots of laughter and several uncomfortable tests before they figured out that I had just REALLY SERIOUSLY bruised several ribs and muscle and such….

My old house used to have two steps down off the back porch, and then a brick walkway. One day running out of the house, fucking around with my brother, i jumped down these two steps. Well the way my foot landed on the bricks(that were old and coming up) caused my ankle to roll. I kept running and then all of a sudden extreme pain. I thought i had broke or seriously injuried something and my whole family told me i was full of shit lol. Turns out i ripped the growth plate of the side of my foot.

Man was it fun explaining to everyone that i had this huge leg cast because i jumped down two fucking stairs -_ -

I went to the ER after taking a pine needle to the eye while decorating the Christmas tree one year.

this is a stupid injury because jonsblond asked me three different times if maybe I should be wearing some eye protection

While in a cabin on vacation in the snow I got out of the shower and was drying off in front of a wall gas heater. Backed up without thinking and branded my posterior. It was visible for weeks. Could have been worse though.

Well well well. This is my area of expertise. You know those awesome, super fun inflatable obstacle courses? Well during Finals week, my college has “Study Break” events. They had one of the big Ballrooms set up with inflatables. So the night before my Biology final, around midnight – 1am, I and a group of friends decide to go check it out. We mess around on the different ones, and then me and a friend decide to compete in the massive and intricate the picture i linked to does not to justice, i swear! obstacle course. It was a tie the first time. So we go again, I was climbing the rope to one of the hills, and had to jump down to the other side and go up the next hill right? Wrong. I don’t know what exactly happened, but my foot got twisted completely in one of the ladder ropes, and instead of falling off the hill, I flipped yes, you read that right, flipped mid air and ended up over the next hill and fell down. I am pretty sure I made some sort of horrific noise through this process since the whole room was staring at me. I walked back to the dorm using the support of my friends. The whole night leading up to the next day, I was in extreme pain. I had to have a cop car drive me to the health center on campus to see the doctor who couldn’t believe the story, get crutches and then go take my exam still in pain. Of course, throughout the process, my friends were trying hard not to burst into fits of laughter due to the whole incident.

Since that day, I have never lived this down. Who manages to injure themselves over a cushiony, bouncy substance? I do. Sigh.

I have only broken one bone my entire life, and I was 30 years old when I did it. I had a hard time turning 30, and that year I tried to have some nostalgic fun. Me and the wife and a few friends went rollerskating. I rented the quads and proceeded to skate like I was 12 years old. I was doing pretty good, skating backwards and balancing on one leg, but when I tried to switch from backwards to forwards and back again, well, let’s just say it didn’t happen. Instead, I broke my elbow, well actually my radial head. Not only did I break a bone, but the break caused fluid to leak and I had to get it sucked out with a HUGE needle. ((shiver))

I still have fun telling people I once broke my radiohead.

Well, let’s see…

Most memorable is the time I was emptying a wheelbarrow full of horse manure. The paddock was REALLY muddy – probably a good foot or more of shoe-sucking mud and horse shit – plus deep ruts and holes which you couldn’t see because of the mud. My father had placed a board through the mud to the manure pile to run the wheelbarrow on to dump it, but it had started to sink into the mud. I decided to take a big running start at it. Next thing I know, the wheelbarrow is upright (like the red one in this picture), my boots are both flown off in random directions, and I’m lying in the mud bawling because I hit my thigh on the metal wheelbarrow rests (I think). I bruised my thigh completely black from about two inches below the hip/thigh connection area to 5 or 6 inches below my knee. Basically, the bruise/swelling covered about 65% of my entire leg. I had to wear shorts for about 2 months, all the time, because my leg wouldn’t fit into pants. I still have a calcium build up in my leg from where I hit it so hard (and then re-injured it about a year later by jumping on my Thoroughbred from the pasture fence without any control (she didn’t even have a halter on) – she took off and scraped me against the corner of the fence)

As a child, I apparently had a dearth of toys. My mom watched me toss a brick up and then catch it. And again. And then not catch it. I still have a divet in my forehead.

Butcher knife through my left heel.

I broke a finger filing once. Not by closing it on the drawer or anything normal like that, by actually putting files inside the drawer.
Another time I almost cut off the same finger by using a lock-blade knife to drill a hole into the bottom of a garbage can. When you torque a locking knife back and forth like that, guess what happens? It unlocks!!!

When I was ten or eleven I was at a Cub Scout camp out. I was roasting a marshmallow on a stick the the campfire when it caught on fire. I yanked the stick out of the fire real fast like I was setting the hook on a fish. The flaming marshmallow flew off the stick and stuck to my cheek. It was on fire and gooey. It was like napalm. I couldnt wipe it off. I rubbed my face on the ground in the dirt at one point trying to remove the marshmallow. I had a scar for several years but it finally faded away.

@dlm812: I once worked at a stable, I have an eerily similar story, wheelbarrow, board, shit pile.

Except I of course, fell in the manure.

One night, the SO and I began a little impromptu “playtime.” Right when things were getting hot and heavy, she whispers “Better lock the door…” This a good idea (believe me) so I jump up, run over to the door, lock it, and run back to the bed in the now-darker room. Not seeing the bed post, I ram it at full speed with my fully-erect…bowsprit. Playtime was over. A grown man cried. On top of that, my SO laughed and laughed and laughed.

Dumb, painful, no real harm done; but I’m a wee bit more cautious now.

@Knotmyday: Your SO isn’t the only one laughing.

teehee

My friend broke my nose playing ultimate frisbee… A non contact sport if anyone didn’t know.

^Hahaha, I forgot about that.^

I also almost sliced my right pinky off doing forearm excersies with my sword… Silly I, I could have just masterbated and had the same work out.

I cracked my tailbone on the corner of an open kitchen drawer. Backed right into it while jumping backwards. I was naked and my wife was chasing me around the house. Sure put a damper on the libido after that. That was about the stupidest thing I’ve done in the pursuit of a good time.

My friend was trying to put ice in the cooler and picked up the ice bag and smashed it on my toe. It hurt but was funny.

Syz’s answer reminded me of one of my mom’s stupidest/weirdest injuries. When she was in her 20s (before I was born) she boarded her horse at a barn near where she lived. He was out in the pasture (with about 30 other horses) and she needed to catch him, so she took a carrot out with her. Well… all was going well until he started to take a bite (out of the big end) and another horse came up behind. He threw his head up and smacked her in the head with the carrot. The small end went into her head (and cracked her skull). She was bleeding profusely from the head, but no one was there, so she wrapped her head with a horse leg bandage and drove herself to the hospital. She still has a weird “dent” in the spot.

@asmonet How did you manage stabbing your heel with a butcher knife?

@Knotmyday Ouch. Funny, but ouch.

@dlm812 : It was in the couch and it bit her cause she sat on it…. we kept telling her something was gonna bite her in the couch. I think it wanted to go out for a stroll from the kitchen.

Okay, I don’t really have any good stories like that but my family is full of them.

The best is probably one I heard about my uncle. He was in Vietnam and actually got a purple heart. Actually, he was awarded a purple heart, he never actually picked it up because he was too ashamed. He crashed a jeep while he was stoned out of his mind and apparently hurt himself in the process.

@KingMalefic WTF was a butcher knife doing in the couch? Hilarious… but perplexing. I hope that never happens to me!

Holy shit – I hope the knives of the world aren’t planning a revolt :/

@dlm812: That’s why I always turn the knives away from me if their points are close to me…

When my son was little his cousin convinced him to pee on an electric fence. He also slammed the toilet seat down on his “business” once About five years old) and got a big bruise because of it.

@KingMalefic: Fuck you! It was hidden! I don’t wander about the world looking for large Cutco knives to sit on!

I’ll come back here tomorrow and leave more details. :)

oh yeah my smart cousin when he was younger I taught him how to flip off a bunk bed so he did and got a hurniea. I am still getting blamed for that one.

I don’t blame you, that was totally Gabe’s fault. He’s retarded.

I got hit in the mouth with a softball and my upper lip got caught on my braces…the whole way to the ER my mom was laughing at me because all I was worried about was whether or not my lip was going to be deformed or something! Who cares about how much it hurt! :P

i tore my ACL/MCL while slipping on a pinecone….

When I was in college me and a couple buddies were drunk and bored, so we went to my neighbors house who had about 20 horses in his big back yard and decided to play rodeo. There was a bet made that I couldnt ride a horse for 8 seconds (with no saddle). Long story short: I won a six pack and got a broken collarbone

I had to go to the hospital to have pencil lead removed from my butt. It got there when I jumped from my bed to my couch and the pencil stabbed me.

@Curious404 – **cringes* Oh my god… that couldn’t have been too pleasant.

When I was little I was showing my cousins how dangerous it was to sleep on the top of a bunk bed… Well, I took my showing too far and fell off the bunk bed!!!!!

I sprained my knee doing the Macarena. Try explaining that one to your doctor. I wore a leg brace for a week.

I once got two rare earth magnets- you know, the really powerful ones- stuck in opposite nostrils (I was a curious child, okay!) and in my desperate attempts to dislodge them only succeeded in pushing them further up my nose. As I recall, my parents took me to the hospital, and the doctor was unable to remove them; ultimately, after a rather restless night, my dad took a third, larger magnet and used it to guide the loving couple back out of my head. I have yet to live this down.

@uberbatman Don’t feel too bad. My cousin broke her leg stepping off a curb!

I always shave my legs in the shower, facing away from the shower head. After rinsing the razor off in the water behind my back, I brought my arm forward a little too quickly and sliced my ass. The cut was about an inch and a half long, and bled profusely. Hurt like hell, too. Trying to explain this gash to my husband, all he wanted to know was “Why in the hell were you shaving your butt?!?” Denials were not convincing.

@Blondesjon You forgot about the time you took one of our son’s toys, with a suction cup on the end of it, and stuck it to your forhead. You ended up with a big, red hickie the size of a golf ball, for about a week.

I remember warning you about that one too ;)

I’ve got a twofer for you -

1: Just last Saturday I tried to stop an elevator door from closing on me at my local subway station. With my right arm. I have a lovely green and purple bruise about 7cm wide at my elbow for my troubles. I didn’t yelp or even cry. However, there was a little girl who saw it and shrieked, “Mommy, Mommy, that lady’s arm! It was gonna come off!”

2: I was playing tag on a beach in Milwaukee when I was 19. At 11:30 at night. Barefoot. You know what’s coming, right? Stubbed and broke my big left toe on one of those rocks that was like an iceberg; only a few inches of it could be seen at the top of the sand, but it turned out to be a bolder, probably from the time the glaciers retreated or some such. It didn’t heal right, and now that toe is a few millimeters wider than my right one. I must size all shoes from my left foot.

I was peeing in the basement bathroom. Someone flushed the upstairs toilet while I was sitting. The toilet backsplashed on me and I flew off the toilet. I slammed my baby toe on the door frame of the “bathroom” and broke it. I had to wear sandals for quite awhile.

One morning I was ironing my pants before work. I had a little ironing board propped on the arms of a rocking chair. The chair rocked when it shouldn’t have and I burned my leg – cuz I didn’t have my pants on. A few days later I had a doctor’s appointment and the doctor asked me why my thigh was burned. I started to tell him that I was ironing my pants – he thought I tried to iron them with my pants on – now who is that stupid?!!

weenie…..zipper…....you get the picture

So much for nobility

@augustlan

loool, that made my day

I spent most of my senior year of high school on crutches after dislocating my knee. While I would have liked to be able to tell people I was rescuing children or making some historical play on the athletic field, the truth is, I was just sitting still. That’s it. I was sitting indian style on my bed reading a book and KAPOW! Instant pain and my leg was no longer straight.

Another time, I tore up all the tendons and ligaments in my lower back while cracking a vertabra by falling UP the stairs. No, alcohol was not involved. Just my natural grace.

Imagine the sweetest roundhouse kick aimed squarely at the height of your head, executed perfectly, with a landing…that doesn’t match. I broke my ass! As I might have shared on Fluther previously, I had my children convinced for awhile that I was formally the pink Power Ranger. Occassionally, I would break into a karate session just to remind them that their mom was a bad mamma-jamma. On this day, I had no idea that my husband had waxed his leather carseats inside on the kitchen floor, and sure enough, I broke my ass.

@jonsblond OMG… so I totally did that suction cup thing too – I had a “hickey” in the middle of my forehead for days.

I know this is a week old now, but I saw it and I had to post something.

Hmm. It’s a tie between two injuries.

Here is the less noble of the two: I was running through the house looking through one of the old game boy color magnifying glasses and I ran right into a cabinet corner. I had a knot on my head for several days and a black eye for about a week. I know have a nice little scar there.

Now for the slightly more noble (or perhaps not, just less dweeby): While working at a picnic fund raiser (with inflatables) my friend (who is much larger than I) and I decide to combine the joust and the bungee run. We run toward the end while hitting each other and I snap back first, but I land on his side of the bungee run. He falls back on top of me and hyperextends my knee a bit. It hurt for a few days and eventually healed, but now it pops quite frequently.

oooohhh gooooddddd….. oh my god… is your knee alright!?!?

@May2689 Yes, it just pops a lot. It doesn’t bother me though. That injury was a several years ago.

@Baloo72 – those inflatables are dangerous! there needs to be a warning sign on them!

My stupidest injury was to my neck. It involved a trampoliine and massive amounts of tequila – not a good combination. It resulted in some traction and a life-time of reminder pain.

Trimming my pubic hair one day, I snipped a piece of skin.