So, after further thought:
Stanley but only if he’s motivated by a raise, or if it’s pretzel day.
Kevin would lose, hands down.
Creed would casually go to the bathroom, take a piss, wash his hands and go back to work.
Andy would try throwing something and fail somehow.
Jim doesn’t have the motivation.
Pam would cower under her desk.
Angela would bite you.
Phyllis would tackle you.
Toby would call the police.
Kell(e)y would slap you.
Ryan would just walk outside and run.
Meredith would just sit back with a bottle of booze.
Dwight would try to use psychology.
Michael would just freak out.
Daryll would rally up the warehouse guys.