General Question

mrswho's avatar

Should I bail to keep from leading some one on, and if so, what would be a good excuse?

Asked by mrswho (1690points) February 17th, 2009
17 responses
“Great Question” (0points)

A friend of mine that some think likes me wants to go with me to an event a few hours away. I’m not interested in him as more than a friend and I don’t think any of our other friends are going. I already said that I would go if my parents said it was ok. Upon further consideration I realized I could be leading him on and that the whole excursion could be awkward. Would it be kinder to bail on him and tell him I can’t go, or would I be nicer to go with him?

Observing members: 0
Composing members: 0


Perchik's avatar

Don’t make excuses… just tell him straight up that you think he might like you and you’re not comfortable going to something that far away with him.

mrswho's avatar

@perchik I actually hadn’t considered that. Thanks. :D

jrpowell's avatar

Do you want to go to the event? Boys and girls can hang out without making babies.

mrswho's avatar

@johnpowell I don’t really know what the event is all about. I have a ton of perfectly platonic male friends that I don’t have any trouble with. I would gladly travel alone with them to events without thinking anything of it. I’m concerned because I’m afraid that he might like me a bit and don’t want to get his hopes up and end up saddening him.

marinelife's avatar

I don’t think I would take Perchik’s approach and say you think he might like you. That puts him in an awkward position.

Instead, say to him that you are happy to go if it just as friends and if he needs someone to go with. That way, if he liked you and wanted it to be more, he can then save face.

jrpowell's avatar

Did he buy the ticket? I would probably go so it isn’t wasted. He might like you, but you will have to deal with it now or later. Might as well tell him what is up before he gets more smitten with you.

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

@mrswho, you answered your own question. You pick up the phone and say, “____, I’ve been thinking about our trip to ____, and I’m not comfortable with us going together without telling you that I’m only interested in you as a friend. I’m don’t want you to have the wrong impression, or have get the wrong idea, and if you would rather not go with me under these terms, I understand.”

fireside's avatar

I wouldn’t travel a few hours away to go to an event that i didn’t know much about. Period.

But, yeah, just talk to him about it. It’ll either go away or he will.

Baloo72's avatar

Are you using fluther to make life decisions again?

mrswho's avatar

@Baloo72 Ha ha, not major life decisions. I just need some input from people wiser than myself and more familiar with this subject than I am.

Baloo72's avatar

@mrswho I just had to throw around some sarcasm and references to other questions

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

@mrswho, if you need a convenient cop-out, my kids always blamed me when they got into situations they weren’t comfortable with. I usually gave them credit for having common sense when these situations arose. You could have your parents “rescind permission” to go.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

Life is too short for excuses.. and if you want him as a friend, then bailing on him is no good. Just be honest with him.

wundayatta's avatar

What @AlfredaPrufrock and @Marina said.

One problem. Even if he is interested in you, when he hears that, he may feel honorbound to say, “I was only interested in you as a friend” and go with you anyway. That still could be awkward. You’ll have to sense it when you talk to him, about whether it’s ok to go as friends, or if that will be too uncomfortable for him. You offer him the opportunity to back down without losing face, like saying “it’s totally cool if you don’t want to go with me” or something. I dunno. Maybe other people have better ideas about how to let him back out while saving face.

Mexicanamerican's avatar

In your question you stated some think he likes you.. What do you think? I’ve had a similar incident only I was the guy who fell for his female friend, she was honest and told me before i had a chance to tell her my feelings and told me that she thought of me as her best friend and that was it.. honestly it was different after that, I still talked to her as much as before i did before we had that conversation and always invited her anywhere I’d go just like before only now she started to distance herself. I don’t know the guy in your situation maybe he’s not ready to tell you his feelings or it could be he’s not sure himself, I wasn’t sure in my situation, but she was and put a stop to it before it got deeper…as much as it hurt I’m glad cause I was falling pretty bad, so if you think he might have romantic feelings for you, then just let him know you don’t feel the same.. Good luck

Trustinglife's avatar

So… have you talked with him? How’d it go?

Ulmaxes's avatar

I’ll mirror what some of the others have said-
I believe confronting him about it is the best option; however, make sure you know he likes you, and that he’s wanting to go on this trip specifically to try to move yalls friendship in that direction. If he wants to get to know you and try to date you, it’s not a good call to start it by going on a trip for hours. That’s just what I perceive.
My main question is: how long has this been going on? The whole him liking you thing.
If it’s been going on for a while, then you should have no qualms about confronting him.
If this is very recent, that’s a bit different.

Answer this question




to answer.

Mobile | Desktop

Send Feedback