Let me first say, I am paranoid about contracting herpes. It is unpleasant, incurable, and makes me a much less desirable sex partner. The reason herpes is particularly scary to me is that it is so common: one in five American adults is infected. As a result of this fear, I always screen potential partners for herpes. It’s a deal breaker.

I recently went out on a first date with someone who, in reply to my herpes inquiry, assured me that she had no venereal diseases. The date went quite well, ending with a long and intense make-out session.

A few days later, I received an email from her, disclosing that—while she did not have genital herpes—she was indeed a carrier of herpes simplex virus-1 (HSV-1), which occasionally manifested as cold sores.

While I was technically asking about genital herpes (HSV-2), I feel like not mentioning HSV-1, is a pretty egregious omission of truth. After doing some internet research, I’ve learned:
* HSV-1 is a lifelong condition, like HSV-2
* HSV-1 can be transmitted even when it’s not flaring up (no cold sores present)
* HSV-1, while usually relegated to the mouth and lips, can be spread to the genital area during oral sex

While I was not particularly aware of or concerned about HSV-1 before, I have become more so now. Since HSV-1 can be transmitted when cold sores aren’t present, there’s a slim chance I’ve already contracted it (I had some bumps appear on the inside of my cheek the day after the date, but they have since cleared up). If I’ve already contracted it, I suppose there’s less risk moving forward in the relationship, though it seems like a creaky start.

If she had disclosed her HSV-1 before the first date, I’m not sure what I would have done, but now that we’ve met each other and like each other, it’s even more complicated.

Should I be concerned about HSV-1? It is apparently even more common than HSV-2. There’s a possibility I’ve developed immunity to it, but how would I know for sure? What is the likelihood I’d contract it if we avoid contact during breakouts?

I pride myself on being disease-free and the prospect of saying “I have herpes,” even if it’s HSV-1, is daunting.

Thank you for taking the time to understand my situation. I appreciate your thoughtful answers, dear Fluther.

Topics: relationships, health, medicine, sex, advice, herpes, cold sores, viruses, diseases, STD, sexually transmitted disease, VD, venereal disease, herpes simplex virus, HSV