If your crying, we have to fix it.

Feed me!
Let me sleep in
Shopping makes us depressed (unless its an electronic store or sports store)
We will not clean that stain on our shirt with tide to go, just don’t look at it.

@Bri_L Whatever it is, we have to fix it.

We are NOT lost! We know how to get there! Let me see that dang [map/GPS]

If it’s not perma press, we don’t want it.

Man-cold. Just like a woman’s cold only 6 times worse. (My wife heard that at work at a family practice).

My favorite rule is: no talking at the urinial. This is also the one I’m mostly likely to break and there’ve been no black eyes yet.

Naw that didn’t hurt.

this ——> I______________________________________________________________I

equals 9 inches

I’m not afraid of needl…. <thunk>

your not fat.
that looks great.
this tastes great.

@Bri_L LOL. Those are ‘Boy Inches’ I knew a girl who swore the ‘cm’ side of a ruler was ‘Boy Inches’.

Please note these are all numbered “1” for a reason!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = Sports

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don’t remember dates. Mark them on a calendar and remind us frequently.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer that question anymore.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us look. It doesn’t hurt anyone, to look. And for us, it’s genetic.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will believe you.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take any quiz together. No, it doesn’t matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don’t mind that. It’s near the TV, and it’s like camping.

1) cut a hole in the box.
2) put your dick in it.
3) get her to open the box.

@Sakata yup that’s all of em.

[Female here] My favorite one is also about urinals @bodyhead. The first guy goes to the farthest urinal, the second guy goes to the urinal farthest away from the first guy and the third goes to the one in the exact middle. No other guys may pee until one of the first three have finished and left the bathroom. :p

also: no talking in the bathroom, inter-stall.

@eponymoushipster: But it’s so much fun! Guys always tell me they get their thinking done when they’re pooping but I get some of my best talking done! :)

@KatawaGrey the thinking gets done because it’s a few moments of solitude and quiet. except, you know, for, well..you know.

Male Restroom Etiquette
Great video… funny too.

man up! (used for boys who get hurt or scraped or slightly injured where blood or hickey is involved)

In the Army it was asked if you were hurt or injured.
If you’re hurt, drink some water.
If you’re injured, get on the damn truck.

hehe. I had a huge blister on my hand from pole vaulting The coach was fixing me up and he got this spray out and I asked him “is this gonna hurt?” He said “don’t be silly” the sprayed it all over the blister which hurt like all holy hell “of course it’s gonna hurt.” I was laughing so hard I didn’t even mind.

@bodyhead That’s so funny that you mention that one because I only JUST recently found out about that random rule from a male friend of mine. I didn’t know anything about it until about a week ago.

Fishing is for men what shopping is for women!

@Yetanotheruser I’m a girl and I’d rather fish.

I’m a guy and I’d rather stare at a wall then fish or shop.

@bodyhead I’m with you

@bodyhead
@Sakata

That’s cool. Go stare at your wall while I go catch a delicious bass. :)

@bodyhead
Yeah, some guys like to shop too. I guess I generalized a little broadly.

my daughter likes to fish too!

Guy shopping is quite different from gal shopping.

@steelmarket Yet again, a generalization. I must be the exception. I’ll shop for rods before handbags. Just sayin’.

@steelmarket, Usually has to do with the type of store.

Hey, I like to shop, too. But, I’ve been out with guys shopping, and been along with gals shopping, and there are different dynamics between the groups.

Just an example: When I found myself out clothes shopping with some guys, we did not head to the changing booths with a huge pile of clothes each, with the plan of trying on our pile of clothes as well as the piles of all the other guys.

On shopping I think the old saying goes like this:

Lets say the item is worth $2.

A woman would pay $1 for an item they don’t need.
A man would pay $3 for an item they need.

my psych teacher tried to explain the ‘one urinal apart’ rule that guys seem to have established. it was so funny, watching him try to explain the sort of unspoken rules that are there for guys to girls who go to the bathroom in groups and talk to eachother while they’re peeing.

this ——> I______________________________________________________________I

equals 11 inches

Every thing gets exaggerated every time we tell it.

@tiffyandthewall: Guys get so funny about girls going to the bathroom in groups. What they don’t know is that we’re talking about them. :P

this ——> I______________________________________________________________I
equals 14 inches

My mom cans her own pickles and my boyfriend loves them. However the jars are super hard to open the first time. Growing up with them you learn tricks. He gets so frusterated with me and himself and in general when I take the jar from him after he fusses with it for a while and pop it open in a split second.
”I am the boy! I open the jars!”

Man Rule #1 – Never fuck up friends GF’s name with the one hes screwing on the side…

Sorry Mood!

Man rules:
Only beer goes in the fridge in the man cave.
(at least that’s the man cave rule in my house…)

Never say a friend is where you are w/out checking w/him first if it’s his WORK or GIRLFRIEND/WIFE calling.

(I made this mistake once, never again)

Ass, grass or gas. Nobody rides for free.

Never, never NEVER take the last beer without at least asking about it (unless you provided it)

“Whatever you say, you’re right”. My ex bro-in-law taught me this and gives it as advice to all the young men to learn to say to their women in hopes there will be fewer exes in the future.

None: its obsolete old man sexist crap.