Since I inspired this question with my quest to give up gossip for Lent, I will weigh in with what I’m vowing give up.
I feel like if I speak ill of someone when he/she is not around and he/she doesn’t have the opportunity to defend him/herself, I’ve gossiped. I don’t do this often, but I do find myself becoming irritated and vocal when someone’s incompetencies at work are glaring. I also believe I am gossipping when I say something mean-spirited that I would never or have never said to the subject of my dish. If what I am saying is based in fact, doesn’t demean a person’s characters or actions, and is spoken in a conversation between people who hold no hidden agendas, I say it’s not gossip.
Take, for instance, a situation I spoke with two co-workers about today. We were discussing the odds that teens today will remain virgins until marriage. We got on the topic of number of sexual partners, at which time one involved in the conversation mentioned that another co-worker is still a virgin. That led to the conversation of whether the knowledge and subsequent sharing of that information is gossip. We voted, “no,” it was a fact based statement spoken among a group of people who arrived at that tidbit through discussion of another topic, and ended up making a connection. Maybe we’re qualifying and justifying to make ourselves feel better? I don’t know. I just know that I am giving up speaking ill of others for Lent…along with sweets. I love to talk shit and eat chocolate, so it’s going to be a long six weeks!