General Question

aeterna's avatar

Is it wrong and/or immature to have crushes on other people when in a relationship?

Asked by aeterna (66points) March 26th, 2009
28 responses
“Great Question” (1points)

can you be in love with someone and still have crushes on other people?

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Facade's avatar

it’s a form of adultery..having feelings for someone else.

Likeradar's avatar

I think it’s totally normal and ok. It is wrong and/or immature to act on the feelings, not to have them.

Facade's avatar

@Likeradar So it’s ok to be in love with someone else? c’mon now..

londly's avatar

One can’t help it when it first happens. The guilt probably gets to oneself first though.

Likeradar's avatar

@Facade The question was can you have a crush on someone while in love with someone else.
Having a crush is not equal to love.

KrystaElyse's avatar

I say there’s nothing wrong with looking at the menu, you just can’t order (that’s what will get you in trouble) ;)

aneedleinthehayy's avatar

Sometimes developing crushes for those who are not your significant other and even flirting with other people can be like some sort of defence mechanism. You have that small sense of comfort that there are other people out there that you could be with if things dont work out in the relationship you are in.

IBERnineD's avatar

I love my boyfriend with all my heart. But I don’t feel bad about acknowledging that another man is attractive to me. I also enjoy their company for instance in class, but outside of that I think is when trouble starts. For instance I have guy friends, but if I ever got to the point where I was beginning to actually have a crush on them, then I would have to reevaluate the relationship I was already in. My boyfriend and I simply go by the rule, “if you want to be with other people than don’t be with me”

hug_of_war's avatar

While other people are of course physically attractive to me, I’m just uninterested in them. For me, I feel like if I had a crush it would speak for a weakness in our relationship

xenializ's avatar

oh my gosh, what a complicated question. No. One can be completely in love with and devoted to one other person. But being attracted to others or having a crush is not only normal but I think almost necessary in some ways. It can show you what you’re attracted to in the other person that your s/o has or doesn’t have—and then you can think what could you do to add that element into your relationship with your s/o. It provides a great place/time to ask yourself if your devotion to your s/o is really true and right or if there is something deeper or if there are bigger problems going on than you are admitting on the surface.

Acting on the crush becomes a much more serious question. Ideally, if it got to that point, people could be honest with their s/o first and deal with their own issues before going into another relationship.

aprilsimnel's avatar

No, it’s not wrong or immature to have a crush. It’s natural to be attracted to other people. But if you find your feelings are getting out of hand and you want to act on them, then you have to stop and ask yourself what you’re missing in your relationship (and talk to your partner about what you’re feeling about issues in the relationship) that might manifest in you crushing on someone else.

casheroo's avatar

I think crushes are a healthy part of a relationship. I just don’t want to hear about it! lol

exitnirvana's avatar

Platonic crushes are simply that, platonic. So, I don’t consider giving credit where credit is due a form of immaturity or betrayal. Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you cannot find other people attractive—if you and your SO are comfortable in a strong relationship together then such things shouldn’t be an issue and if so, one might wanna double-check those insecurities.

Dr_C's avatar

i’m in love with my fiancee… i hace a crush on Scarlett Johansen… how is this wrong?

ubersiren's avatar

I think crushes are perfectly normal. As long as it remains a crush. Crushes usually fade away if you’re really in love with your spouse or SO.

I agree with @casheroo that the SO doesn’t need to know about it. I was just facebooked by a guy I went to high school and college with. All the girls liked him, including me. He was like the dreamiest guy in the world (and still is) and he told me that he always liked me, too… Instant crush! I was enamored for about 2 weeks until he said something stupid that made me grateful for my husband.

zephyr826's avatar

I don’t think it’s a problem, until it becomes a mutual crush. When you find out that your side crush likes you too, I think it’s time to back out of the relationship, either with the crush or the SO.

Facade's avatar

wow@all of this

IBERnineD's avatar

@Facade wow in what sense?

wundayatta's avatar

Facade, it is true that, in this world, when you are in a relationship with someone, a blinder descends around your head, and you can see no one else. If, however that blinder has a hole in it, such as happens with those who are of low moral character, why then they instantly fall in love, over and over again, like bacteria. Or something.

Holy cow, dude! You sound so dogmatic. I would not like to be stuck on a plane with you in the next seat.

Likeradar's avatar

@daloon Are you being facetious about the “low moral character” or do you mean it? No judgment (well, maybe a little), just curious about where you’re coming from.

adreamofautumn's avatar

Crushes are just that. Crushes. They’re not usually deep or long lasting and as long as they are not acted on will not generally hurt your relationship. If you develop deep feelings for another person, then it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship you’re in.

KatawaGrey's avatar

A crush is perfectly normal. It doesn’t mean you’re in love or that anything’s going to happen. I find that often I develop litle crushes that fall off after a week or two. This is often a precursor to a good friendship because we connect so well. I’ve found that these crushes tend to be because I’ve just met someone and that can be kind of a rush.

@Facade: I’m just curious as to why you’re so offended by our responses.

Facade's avatar

i’m not offended. i just think it’s wrong to have feelings for someone else

KrystaElyse's avatar

@Facade – Having a “crush” and having “feelings” for someone are pretty different. You can find someone attractive but not necessarily have feelings for them. If you find that you start to have feelings for someone else then you might need to re-evaluate your current relationship and see why you feel this way. If you find that you need to move on, do your gf/bf a favor end things now instead of waiting until you do something you might regret.

(Edit: Now that I read all the other answers, it’s basically what everyone else above me stated.)

Facade's avatar

I guess we all have different definitions of “crush.” To me, finding someone attractive is an “attraction”...not a crush

Likeradar's avatar

@Facade what’s your definition of a crush?

I know I have a crush on someone when I find them physically attractive, funny, admirable in some way, and find myself acting kinda stupid around them. It pales in comparison to the love, devotion, and respect I have for my boyfriend.

wundayatta's avatar

@Likeradar: just being facetious. Pushing it over the top. Personally, I don’t think that having crushes means you have lower moral character. Not at all. The idea is ludicrous, which is why it seemed appropriate for a joke.

Some people call that “hexing.” When someone says something bad about themselves, you agree, and raise it one (like in poker). The point is that if you are going to tear yourself down, I’m not going to get in your way. This is because most people tear themselves down in a bid to get others to pity them. (“No, you don’t have low morals.”) It’s a form of dishonesty. So if you agree with someone who is tearing themselves down dishonestly, they quickly stop doing it.

Oddly, in my case, I’m an expert at tearing myself down. When people agree with me, it makes me feel better, because I think they are being honest. They aren’t playing games with me. And once we get past the games, we can have an honest conversation about whatever, that may actual be of benefit to us.

The world is not what it seems, it seems to me.

Likeradar's avatar

@daloon Thanks, I figured but I thought I should ask. I’m a sarcasm expert in real life, but I’m almost totally blind to it on the interwebs.

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