There is a growth time between arrogance and confidence too but I can’t imagine modesty and integrity ever going out of style.

Modesty is not a bad thing though there will be plenty to tell you otherwise.

Loud mouthed braggarts are rarely popular.

I think being modest to the point of self deprication is also not a good thing.

Accept praise where it is given. It’s ok to do that.

I’ve wrestled with that same idea at times.

Interesting. I hadn’t noticed. I don’t even like to admit when I win at Scategories.

No, but there are some venues where being self-assured and confident of your abilities are more productive than what you are apparently calling modesty, which I would call humility. Modesty usually refers to clothing in my experience.

I’m the same way – i really dislike talking about myself in those forums, if at all. I even have a hard time on interviews, because I feel people are thinking about me what you, I and probably others are thinking about that car salesman, for example.

i mean, aside from the fact that i’m sexy like the dickens.

I am far too awesome to answer this…
NO.
Modesty is a virtue, self-restraint even in self promotion is a good thing. Your actions should speak for you… your words should be measured and well used.
done

I am extremely modest as well as humble. And I have a horrible time in job interviews. I was raised in a culture where being humble is still respected and being a braggart certainly is not. So in a job interview I don’t have the same experience as everyone else in regards to bragging on myself. Aside from that I am happy for my values of modesty and humbleness. It may set us back in some areas but it provides for good character.

Humility is as annoying as bragging What most people expect is a healthy, realist assessment.

I see there being a very thin line between self-confidence and braggadocio. Confident people draw others to them with their attitude because they are genuinely comfortable in their own skin. That comfort and ease can actually make a person appear more modest and humble. Braggadocio, to me at least, denotes nothing more than insecurity.

As for a job interview, I have no trouble talking myself up in that situation, mostly because I think that is what interviewers are looking for. I am not demeaning to others, but I do a pretty good job of outlining my skills and what I can bring to the position. I’ve gotten offers for about 80% of the jobs I’ve interviewed for, so I must be doing something right.

In a way I think modesty is overrated, I think we all should be able to feel content with who we are and ready to accept a compliment with grace and style. Easier said then done I know, but a worthy goal just the same.

Modesty should be taken in small portions.

I think it depends on the culture. In places like Singapore, students and conference participants won’t ask questions in a public setting out of respect for the fact that they may ask a question the presenter can’t answer. There modesty is the expected norm.

In a more egotistical, image driven culture modesty is seen as a weakness to be exploited.

Assurance and confidence is scads different than braggadocio. I’m learning that now for myself. I was raised to stay in the background and shut up, and that putting forth my talents was showing off and selfishness. But people have their talents for a reason. Using them is a large part of your service to the world.

I think if you simply do what you do well, try what you want to try with enthusiasm and accept compliments from people with grace (“Aw, thank you!”), you’re all right. And if you’re talking about work you’ve done, make the outcome of that work your focus and not yourself. Making the thing all about you is when it becomes braggadocio.

@aprilsimnel: the problem with talking about your talents, is that you don’t really know how they compare to anyone else’s talents. You might think you’re great, and others might think you are terribly deluded. For me, the marketplace is the arbiter of talent. If you haven’t sold your talents for serious money, then you just don’t have that much talent.

When I am talking to a client about what I can do for them (potential client), I tell them exactly what I can and cannot do. I don’t over promise, but I don’t under sell my abilities, either. It’s not bragging, it’s telling the truth. I think some people mistake this for bragging, sometimes. It’s not bragging. It’s important to be able to speak clearly about one’s abilities.

Sometimes, when you run into someone that has a difficult time talking about their abilities, due to extreme humility, it really makes it difficult on the person trying to gather information. You ask questions and it turns into a teeth pulling session because the person is almost crippled by the excessive humility.

I understand that there are people that have this difficulty talking about themselves, but I think also, they need to understand the difference between being truthful and bragging.

I don’t like compliments, well, they are hard for me to accept. I second guess things, a lot, I just don’t show it; however, to go back and forth with a person, not simply saying “thank you” puts the person that gave the compliment in an odd place. Someone like me will try to continue to “push” the compliment, trying to convince the person that they are worthy of the compliment. I’ve stopped doing that. It aggravates me. It’s like accepting a gift – because that is what it is, a verbal gift. Two words, “Thank you.” Acceptance and graceful acceptance, at that – is the way to go on a compliment. Don’t turn it into a chore for the person giving the compliment.

The superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions.
Confucius (551 BC – 479 BC), The Confucian Analects

daloon: Be a superior man.

Modesty has nothing to do with not speaking for yourself or selling yourself.

I don’t think modesty has gone out of style, rather I think the way it’s expressed has changed with the times. Be you, be awesome, you don’t have to shout it from the rooftops but like galileogirl said, work it out. ;)

@cak

“I understand that there are people that have this difficulty talking about themselves, but I think also, they need to understand the difference between being truthful and bragging.”

I don’t think the difference so much is about being truthful versus bragging. As someone who was raised in a culture of humility I can say it is something else. It is about being able to recognize your strengths and verbalize them. Without practice, which most others have more of, it can be quite difficult to know how to talk about yourself in that way. Also without practice it can be quite uncomfortable. It’s not necessarily uncomfortable because you think your bragging but moreso from lack of experience.

Just a different take on it.

@RedPowerLady – I used to have a hard time verbalizing my abilities. When I did, I often didn’t give people the impression that I had the confidence or skills to carry a project. I really do understand the difficulty; however, I also understand the need to be able to clearly express your abilities. Mind you, I don’t walk in (or on a conference call) introduce myself, and proceed to say that I can do this and this and this. If someone asks a question, I answer what my capabilities are or aren’t.

It took a long time to be able to do this, especially since I was raised in a “don’t speak until spoken to, household.” It was my dad that recognized what that way of thought was doing to me. He realized when I was packing my things for college and I came across a box of awards, trophies and certificates, that I never displayed them. Ever. He said it really came across when I graduated from college. I never hung anything showing I had graduated. Not a single thing. No announcement, no diploma and nothing referencing what I did in college. He was the one that started to help me overcome this, he taught me to be comfortable with my skills, but don’t be arrogant, because there is always someone that is standing behind you that wants to prove they can do it better.

I used to think when someone expressed their abilities, bluntly, they were bragging. What I didn’t pick up on, was a person that tends to brag about their skills, also tends not to be able to acknowledge their shortcomings. They didn’t admit (as much) when they couldn’t do something.

I’m not saying it’s easy to overcome and I don’t find fault with someone in this situation. I do wish that there was some easy way for people to get past that fear, or whatever it is and to be able to accept the person that they are and have the confidence to express it.

does that make sense? I swear, I can’t get it together, tonight!

No, modesty has not overstayed it’s welcome, imo. I think you are bragging when you go on and on about your abilities and such without being asked about them. If someone wants to know, you should be able to tell them though what you are good at – that’s not bragging.

If you let your actions speak for you, as I believe is best, do people notice your actions? Do you sometimes have to call attention to them?

My feeling is that if I think I’ve done something well, and no one says they notice, then I must be deluded about what is good. Sometimes I find that people have thought it was good, but they never said anything. But how can I know if I’m doing good work and people notice and don’t say anything, or if I’m not doing good work?

@cak That makes perfect sense. Thank you.

There is as much arrogance in false modesty as there is in boastfullness. Flip sides of the same coin. Just be yourself and let it fly.
I am the Greatest
~Ali
Under Heaven and Earth, I alone am holy
~Buddha
I am the way the Truth and the Life
~Jesus
Modesty is the only sure bait when you angle for praise.
Lord Chesterfield (1694–1773) British statesman.