Why do you believe it is so dangerous to disappoint others? Why do you think it is so impossible to please others?
Seems like you need to stop worrying about pleasing and disappointing others so much and just to answer a question. Stop weighing everything and answer. She asked you a question, answer it. You know what, the answer may, in fact, be “No.” So what? Is no the end of the world? No, it isn’t. It’s an answer, not always a desirable answer, but it’s an answer. What you may be saying may not be something she wants to hear, but you know what, it’s an answer. Sometimes having someone unable to answer a question, because they are afraid to let someone down, is well, frustrating. Next thing you know, you’re yelling out to the person, “just answer the damn question!”
I never stood up for myself. I took on projects at work, because I wouldn’t say no. I wound up (in my first marriage) never speaking up for what I wanted to do, say…hell, even think. I gave up my ability to take care of me, to look out for me. That was about the time he started to really lose interest in me. He said he got tired of someone that wouldn’t stand up for herself. Which was ironic, since it was the one thing he sought to change in me – he won, I lost. My husband now, does it at times. Not often, anymore, I have very little patience for it.
My dad used ask me this question, “If you can stand up for yourself, how in the world do you expect others to take you seriously or to respect you?” Think about it, you gotta admit, there is some serious truth in that question. If you don’t respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself, then why in the world do you expect for others to want to help you or to respect you…to take you seriously? I had to take a lot of time to figure out what I wanted to be, someone that refused to stand up for myself, or someone that cared enough to speak up. I speak up now.