When I tried to draw attention to this issue in my last attempted relationship, he asked me how to stop a speeding locomotive. It’s not that I didn’t share his feelings; I was falling fast as well, but I have learned to see my beloved as a complete human with good and bad traits. However, it seems that the guys tend to put me on a pedestal and only see what they perceive to be my good points and ignore my flaws; and when I can’t live up to this unrealistic impression he has of me, they act disappointed.
Let me assure you that I refuse to put on pretenses in any situation, and so it is not that I am trying to be something I am not or misleading them in some way. In fact, I always hear how refreshing my honesty and ‘realness’ are, and how they appreciate that I’m not some high-maintenance girly-girl. But then it’s almost as if they want a high-maintenance girly-girl, so they can play their manly-man role. Sorry. I won’t be anything other than who I am. I won’t play head games, because ultimately, the guy feels pressured to live up to the ‘knight-in-shining-armor’ facade, too, and freaks out that I won’t like the real him (when in fact I’ve been seeing the real him all along).
So my advice is to take a step back and look at this person as if one of your friends was dating her. Or look at her as if you’d already been together for 5 years. Try to be as objective as possible. What are the little things that may seem ‘cute’ now that might get on your nerves once you live with them day in and day out? What actions do they choose that reflect their true values (such as how they treat strangers and children)?
If you can still say that you love the person when you see their strengths and weaknesses and accept them as they are, with no expectations on them to change anything, and knowing full well that their appearance and abilities will change with time and possibly illness or accidents, then you know that it’s a relationship worth your time and energy.