@bellaminky I know you don’t know me, but I had a falling out with my mother while I was pregnant the first time. Hormones – during and after – as I’m sure you know, are a royal pain in the rear. My mother said something particularly hurtful to me, when I told her I was pregnant. I didn’t talk to her for several months – my dad (poor man) dealt with both of us. It passed, though. Many years later, I got pregnant, again, and she was extremely concerned because of my first pregnancy. It was very high risk and my second one proved to be the same. I was irritated that she said something, again; however, we worked things out.
There was a time when I vowed to not speak to my mother. I felt that she wasn’t there for me during the darkest time of my life. (the incident was before my pregnancy) She pulled away from me and basically waited for me to approach her. We are two very stubborn women, it took some time before we started talking again; and certainly, the struggles during my pregnancy didn’t help. It was a big step backwards, but we worked it out.
It seems like there is more going on and it’s not a war of the wills, between the two of you. Are you really okay with disowning her? Whether or not what you said was true, was it really necessary to say, during a high risk pregnancy? I know when my mother suggested that I terminate my first pregnancy, because of the risks and she basically told me how stupid I was for ever getting pregnant. The way I said it, well – it’s the nice version.
My mom and daughter (1st born) are very close. My mom and my son (2nd)- best buddies.
Don’t let this get in-between you two. Send her a letter, tell her you are giving her space and time to move past things – you do the same. But to disown your daughter? Really, you might want to really thing of the damage this will do. It sounds like (the way you describe the whole living arrangements and the tone about “daddy”) that there is a lot more to this, there seems to be a lot of anger mixed in those words. Maybe it’s time to let go of the past and let go of that anger. Then try again, with your daughter and her two sons.