I have two children and can count on one hand how many times I spanked both of them, combined; and, then, it was only to get their immediate attention – a dangerous situation was happening.
I love both of my parents, very much. My father was a wonderful father, but for years, I wanted something from them, that one day, out of the blue I got – an apology. My parents were both beaten (meaning abused) growing up. Compared to what they got, we were not beaten; however, we were spanked. We were spanked with fly swatters, hangers and leather woven belts. We were spanked for any offense and often, I was spanked because my sister successfully blamed me for her transgression. One time, I was spanked with the wrong end of the belt, the buckle. I still have the scars.
No, I don’t think any of the spankings were deserved, because none of them were for the reason I would spank – to get immediate attention, in a dangerous situation. I was scared to tell my parents if I did something wrong. Now, somewhere along the line, things changed. My parents stopped spanking us. Years passed and some of the anger faded. I never bothered to discuss it, because I didn’t think it would go anywhere.
One day, my dad was sitting there while I was talking to my daughter, she was younger but did something very wrong to another child. I was so disappointed. I never yelled, I didn’t spank her – but my point was very clear. He told me how much he admired my ability to discipline her and still show love, at the same time. With tears in his eyes, he apologized. All that hidden anger, just faded. My mother did the same, in her own way. I don’t think the spankings were okay, but I do forgive them.