Placation is a kind of passive-aggressive manipulation. You’re afraid of anger or being denied something, so you try to manage them so they don’t get angry at you, or say no to you. You don’t ask things you believe they will say no to.
Over the long run, this kind of thing drove a huge wedge between me and my wife. I was miserable. I was afraid to talk to her about what I really wanted because I believed she’d divorce me rather than give me what I wanted. We grew further and further apart, until we were simply Mr. & Mrs. Daloon, Inc. Product: children.
Well, a variety of things happened that I’ve told before, so I won’t bore you again. At the end, we got couples counseling, which helped us say what we really wanted, and each of us took half the responsibility for fucking up the relationship, and we started trying to work on our desires from the other person.
We’ve gotten somewhere, and there’s more to go, but we are both happier, except now she’s depressed, because of a lot of other shit in her life (mother, job, and child issues in addition to me issue).
The lesson I’ve learned is that you have to talk and find a way to tell your partner your true desires and fears. You can’t work on them if you don’t know what they are. If you can’t face doing this alone, or if you always end up in a fight when you try this, a counselor can help.