This is incredibly silly, but I really like the phrase, “that’s how I roll.”

I don’t like many that are out there, because if they’re popular enough for me to have heard them, that means everyone uses them. I always preferred to make up my own sayings. My favorite in college was “When all else fails, say fuck it and order a pizza.” Actually became pretty popular on campus.

I love me for me!
conceited

I use “eh” a lot.

You can’t fix stupid.

Stay Golden.

Once again, I am so very sorry…

^the above is not so much a favorite as it is one I am forced to use a lot.

You can’t polish a turd

As stupid as it sounds, I have a hard time not laughing when I hear “Make it rain!”

Thank you rappers.

You can’t squeeze honey out of milk.
Or you can’t squeeze blood from a stone.

Perhaps because they are too relevant to my life right now, lol.

It’s all good.

@RareDenver
or can you?

The best one I’ve ever heard

“If I have to suffer anymore Mel Gibson is going to make a fucking movie about me”

I crack up every time I hear it.

@tyrantxseries – that is funny

Oh, I like “f’ing” or “effing” to “that effing ref sucks”

“Two sandwiches short of a picnic” or “one French fry short of a happy meal”.

Courtesy of my great-great-grandmother, “When you find yourself on the wrong bus, get off” and “when you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.”

From my husband, “S/he’s not the brightest cookie in the jar.” Yes, I know it is completely wrong and makes no sense.

@jonsblond I just heard the sandwich one yesterday! I about died!
@Blondesjon I use “you can’t fix stupid’ quite often.
I also heard “his cheese has slid off his cracker” yesterday too! HA!
More than saying ‘effing,’ I just say ‘ef’ when something goes wrong.
I use a lot of those on the “sucky phrases list” in a silly way just because everybody hates them. (including me)

I am partial to a number of Texasisms. In fact, being raised mostly in California and Connecticut, I thought these were all just family sayings. However, when we moved to Texas when I was in high school, I discovered our family was actually Texan. Some of the ones we use most are:

He’s lower than a snake’s belly.

He’s as yellow as mustard, but without the bite.

I’m cooking on a front burner today. (Alternatively: Now we’re cooking with gas.)

He’s slicker than owl shit.

It’s so foggy the birds are walking.

He’s as jumpy as spit on a hot skillet.

It’s so hot the hens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

They tried to hang him, but the rope broke.

He’s riding a gravy train with biscuit wheels.

They ate supper before they said grace.

I don’t care what you call me so long as you don’t call me late to supper.

He broke his arm patting himself on the back.

She’s so ugly she’d make a freight train take a dirt road.

He looks like the dogs have been keepin’ him under the porch.

If all her brains were dynamite, she couldn’t blow her nose.

He couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with a hole in the toe and directions on the heel.

The porch light’s on but no one’s home.

He’s missing a few buttons off his shirt.

It’s better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

That’s close enough for government work.

Might as well. Can’t dance, never could sing, and it’s too wet to plow.

If dumb was dirt, he’d cover about an acre.

He’s so dumb that if you moved his plate five inches to the left he’d starve to death.

This ain’t his first rodeo.

If she were an inch taller she’d be round.

He’s like a blister—he doesn’t show up till the work’s all done.

I’m so broke, I can’t pay attention.

I ate so many armadillos when I was young I still roll up into a ball when I hear a dog bark.

We’ve howdyed but we ain’t shook.

There are a whole bunch more here

I’m kinda partial to ”...like 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound sack.”

An older friend of mine let me drive his car while I was practicing to get my license. He had toldme if anything happens just floor it and turn to the right. I use that saying for everything now haha.

Three of my favourite phrases, not in any particular order:

- Just remember, you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
– It’s the little imperfections in life which make it so perfect
– God will never let me down

More of my faves:

Bite the bullet.
Nitty Gritty.
Bust your chops.

One of my grandmother’s favorites:

“Crap in one hand, wish in the other, see which gets filled first.”

@qualitycontrol – I am going to use that and give you credit. I love it.

M’kay.

Thank you Mr. Macky.

I say “do what?” all the time. Like if someone says something to me and I don’t understand or hear them quite right I’ll say “Do what?”
Also, Same shit, different day, is one of my faves.

I like to say:
“I fly by the seat of my pants”
“Common sense isn’t so common”
“Check you/me out!”
“It was so funny…”

Courtesy of my Arkansas Grandpa:
Hotter than a two peckered billy goat
Colder than a well diggers ass or colder than a witches tit
Somebody beat him/her with an ugly stick or fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch
I’ll dance at your wedding (If you did something for him he’d always say that)
Might as well, can’t dance
You must be the dumbest sumbitch alive!

after farting:
some asshole’s talkin shit about me behind my back
(HA! love it!)

@Clair – THat is funny! I can’t believe I never heard it or thought of it but I am sure gonna use it.

@Bri_L HA! Thanks!

also:
Gayer than a football bat. (I heard that from a gay man so no criticism please)
Useless as a tit on a boar.
Whatev. (Used in a tween mockery sense.)

AND:
get your goat.
I really need to make a list and just make ONE entry. sorry all.

Shining like a diamond in a goat’s ass.

Harder than a wedding dick.

Killed him dead.

I love this thread!
I crack up every time someone says “more ___ than you can shake a stick at.” No idea why. I also love salty.
Making up ridiculous sayings is sort of a hobby of mine and a couple friends. Or I guess not really a hobby, but just something that happens when we get fucked up and start not making sense. At any rate some of my favorites are:
shit the bed! – an exclamation for when something bad happens..“i almost shat the bed!”
halfway up to texas – “that girl had soup all over her, splashed halfway up to texas”
snappers – anything, like the smurfs use the word smurf. i cant find my snappers, you’re a snapper, can i have some snappers? so convenient and interchangeable.
and adding “liest” to everything. like, that soup was the goodliest, now im the stuffedliest.
and there’s probably about a billion more but I think I’ll stop.

@generalspecific Lurve for “shit the bed” that’s one I forgot to mention but it cracks me up!

“I wouldn’t touch that with a ten foot pole”
and the slightly modified version courtesy of J.K. Rowling, “I wouldn’t touch that with a ten foot broomstick” hahaha. yeah. I’m a harry potter nerd.
some other, mostly aussie slang sayings that I like are:
“he/she is all froth and no beer”
“he/she is around the twist”
“you’ve got a bee’s dick of a chance”
“fair suck of the sav”
“buggered if I know”
“is the pope a catholic?
“no wucking furries”
“fair dinkum”
“going to see a man about a dog”
“stunned mullet”
“out woop woop”
“one eyed trouser snake”
“pay through the nose”
“pull the other one”
“she’ll be apples”
“tough titties”
“up shit creek without a paddle”
“get your _____ on”

“You must be sitting in butter!”

bass ackward

“Call me butter, baby, ‘cause I’m on a roll.”

@Macaulay – That is AWESOME!!!!

Slicker than whale shit on an ice floe

You went full retard

I’ve never seen anyone as shit-all stupid as you

sorry ripping off movies