@Bluefreedom I’m sorry that you are going through this. As you have already discovered, a parent is a poor choice as a confidant for a marital problem. That is because parents are never unbiased listeners and may well have their own agenda regarding the marriage.
1. Dr. Phil, laugh if you want, but I think he is right about this, says that turning outside the marriage to fix a marital problem is never the right thing to do.
2. You don’t mention if you went to counseling solo or you both went.
If it was me, my next steps would be as follows:
A sincere apology to my spouse for what that person regards as a violation of trust. Something like this, “I made a mistake. It was not my intention to hurt you, but obviously, it was not a good idea to talk about this with my (insert parent here). I realize that I may have made things worse, but I hope you will see that I did it out of my pain and my desire to figure out how best to work on this issue.”
A talk with my parent. In my case, it would go something like this, “I know you may have had my best interests at heart, but I told you what I told you in confidence, and you violated that confidence. I still love you, but you have to know that I will not be comfortable confiding in you again. Please do not speak about this issue or any personal issue with “spouse’s name” again.”
I am sure that you are dealing with a difficult situation. I wish you very much all the best as you continue to work through it. You are obviously a wise and caring man. You might find comfort or valuable information in Harville Hendrix’s book, “Getting the Love You Want.” If you can get your spouse to read it too, all the better.