Interesting. It’s hard for me to imagine that having only one salary would put you in a better financial situation than having two, but I suppose if you make less (after taxes) than daycare costs, it really doesn’t make sense. I guess that’s why people come up with creative ideas like having childcare coops.
I know people have all kinds of ways of getting their kids cared for that makes it possible for them to work. There’s a whole set of different daycare types—all with different legal requirements about standards of care.
We are fortunate enough that we could send our children to a very well regarded daycare program. I think that a lot of mothers in this situation (and some fathers) do feel a little guilty that they aren’t living with their kids 24/7. I know my wife did. We take a little comfort in research that shows that children in daycare socialize better and this gives them an advantage (on average) in school. Obviously, there is a wide variation in individual experiences, so many people will have different stories to tell.
Of course, double-income families also have to scrimp and save, too, in part, due to the cost of daycare. And both parents do double-duty, unless the traditional pattern happens, and the husband leaves it all to the wife even though they both work. Personally, I like it when we share the work of child-rearing and home-taking-care-of more equally. Like tonight, I have to iron in a bunch of labels for my son’s upcoming summer camp experience. When I was a kid, that was something only mothers did.
Every family is different, and we all have different solutions to our problems. I don’t think any of us deserve to be looked down on because of our choices to put our kids in daycare, or because we choose to have a stay-at-home parent. However, I’m aware there are prejudices against both solutions. I guess I’m wondering why we have to have opinions (which sound like judgments) about this. I doubt we can say that one is better than the other as a generalization. Each works better than the other, depending on circumstances. In my opinion, we should respect all these choices.