A couple of things.
First of all, your feelings are just feelings. You are much more than your feelings. It can help to acknowledge that, and to gain some mental separation from your feelings. You don’t have to fight them, and you don’t have to change them. You can leave them be, and just go on with your life. You can focus on the feelings that help you, and not pay attention to the feelings that hurt you. This is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (also known as mindfulness), an alternative to CBT. CBT doesn’t work for everyone.
Second, focus on what you like to do, and do it. Don’t beat yourself up because you don’t think it’s useful or lucrative. Just do it. You don’t really get anywhere in this world posing for other people. You might get along, but you’ll never be as happy as you would be if you were passionate about what you do.
Well, be passionate. Let yourself do what you are inclined to do. Be like Nike. Just do it. If it has your passion, it will bring you what you need in life. Posing and faking and trying to please others never really works. You get trapped in the prison of your own making.
I guarantee you that you have passions. You may have stifled them to the point where you’ve forgotten them, but they are there. If you “follow your bliss,” you will get to where you go. It’ll be more fun, too.
Finally, it sounds like you could be depressed. Get a checkup, and see if your doctor thinks you should see a psychiatrist, or if your doctor wants to prescribe an anti-depressant. Depression is a glitch in brain chemistry. It is not something you are responsible for. You didn’t bring it on yourself. You are, however, responsible for dealing with it.
Good luck.