Does it ever come up in conversation? That is to say, is there a way you could bring up your approach.

“So what do you thing of dating? Are you the type who knows right away or does it take you a while?” That type of thing.

In the end if they are going to take it poorly the will. There isn’t much you can do but do your best.

By the way, I’m still hurting. sniff :-)

Just so you know…the worst line for a guy to hear (EVER) is, “You’re a great guy.”

Do you have to say something proactive unless asked? Could you not simply turn down additional invitations. That is often sufficient.

Then if the person asks, use one of your two lines, which both seem fine?

“I don’t think we have between us what I am looking for”.

@filmfann That’s sounds kinda naughty! ; )

Although saying something straightforward is a nice thing to do, especially with something as serious as “feelings”, I have to agree with @Marina. We guys will move on quickly after 2–3 weeks of constant turn-downs. e.g. “Girl X has been turning down my invites for 2 weeks, but girls T, A, and V are asking me if I want to do something this weekend…”

N.B. Those letters may or may not have been chosen for any specific reason.

“I don’t think I am really the person you are looking for.”

@skfinkel – or, as the Jedi would do it, “I am not the person you are looking for.”

I wouldn’t know. No woman ever said anything like that to me! :)

Nonsense. Take ownership of your feelings. Don’t put things on the date (“I’m not who you are looking for”, or “I’m not feeling the connection.”) Take responsibility, and tell the date that you don’t really like him enough to go on another date. If he asks why, don’t answer. It’s just a feeling. If you answer, he’ll find ways to fix your problems (that is, if he’s interested in you).

Be straight. Don’t make a guy wait through a few turn-downs to figure it out. Just say it straight. It saves everyone time and worry. Both of you. You can even say, “I don’t like you enough to go on another date. Sorry.” It gets the message across quick and clear, and saves you all time and mishegoss.

The reason why most people don’t say things straight, is that they don’t want to see the hurt expression on the other person’s face, or hear it in their voice. They don’t want to be thought of as a bitch or a ball-buster. Tough noogies. That’s life. Take responsibility. He might call you a bitch, but so what? Not everyone will like you, just as you don’t like everyone. But it saves so much time for both of you. It keeps him from coming back, and you having to say “no” over and over.

God! I hate it when women are wishy-washy that way. I don’t get it, either. Why not cut me off when it’s early on, and I haven’t invested anything in it, instead of waiting until later when I’ve tried and tried. It feels much worse, then. Unlike @Quagmire, I have experienced this. I guess he doesn’t ever ask out any women.

I think there’s a fine line between being straight and being mean

@daloon, don’t have to. They ask ME! :)

I think you are doing just fine.

Or, go to the bathroom to wash your hands and sneek out the back door.

@Quagmire Lucky, lucky man! ;-) What’s your secret?

Lets see.
“lets be friends isn’t really something either one of you wants…”

How about a simple: “Listen, I had a great/good/fun/decent time today… I’m just not sure how I feel about you and me… Maybe I’ll call you… when I’m sure.”

Just keep it honest, if he’s a gentleman as they’ve been, they’ll understand.

Andre 3000 has a good verse about this… the situation is reversed, but it exemplifies the situation…

“Well, here’s my name and numb
If I ain’t the one, lose it, if I am, use it
If a man chooses, and he can, do’s it
And he don’t, don’t take it personal, he might be might be swamped”