Let me set the scene: It’s a few weeks before prom, I’m 17 years old, a self proclaimed “bad boy” and dating a cheerleader. It’s evening and my girlfriend is at cheer practice, so I decide before going to pick her up that this is the perfect opportunity to go get flowers so that I can properly ask her to prom.
I walk into Safeway to get flowers and while picking out a bouquet I see a teddy bear. Looking back I couldn’t tell you what I was thinking as I had over $100 in my wallet, but apparently I thought buying the teddy bear would be stupid, so I stash it by the front door and go to pay for the flowers intending to snatch the bear on my way out.
I paid for the flowers and made my way to the door, as I approach I quickly snatch the teddy bear and take my first step out of the door. Second step I think to myself, “these people have never met the likes of me, a genuine shoplifting mastermind.” Third step, continuing my self aggrandizing… Then it happened. Someone yelled out to me, “I believe you have something that belongs to me!” it was a 300lb under cover security guard.
Without thinking I ran only to be thwarted by my own baggy pants, which just happened to fall down mid-sprint. there I am being cuffed in front of a crowd over a teddy bear, pants at my ankles, road rash on my face and the worst part… I was about 6 hours late picking up my girlfriend after being processed.