How old are you?

I’m 22 but I had nowhere to go when I left my ex

Time to grow up! Their house their rules. I’m not usually this harsh, but if living with their rules makes you feel like Cinderella, you can always move out. Did you do your own laundry at nine? I certainly didn’t. Don’t begrudge your sister her childhood.

I honestly thought you were 12 when I read this question.

Get over it. You need to pull your weight and that means help raise your little sister. In fact if my girls could keep their room clean at that age I would have done all their other chores for them. Only one was naturally tidy, one other was so untidy you could lose sight of her bed. The rest were somewhere in between.

How much rent do you pay per month?

Really I wish I could, really you have no clue. I have no job, nothing, but that is besides the fact. I help pay the bills from my unemployment, yet it’s not enough to move out. We live in a decent size house, and we all use to help. It is strange for me to come back home after 5 years, and everything is different. The attitudes of my parents, and the rest of my family

Laundry at 9? Can she even reach into a top load machine to get her stuff out?

Ridiculous.

Laundry is not a “minor thing.”

@johnpowell I pay $350
@avvooooooo we have a front load one

You left home at seventeen? That doesn’t sound like a close family – perhaps they need to see that you can accept responsibility before easing up on you.

@La_chica_gomela I was doing laundry at nine, that is why i think it is weird, I also had a chore list, that consisted of washing the dishes, and keeping the kitchen clean

@brinibear Laundry at 9 is still ridiculous. And a sure-fire method to get a lot of ruined clothes.

@DarkScribe I fully completed high school, and I left to go to school, where I me a boy, but obviously, it didn’t work out. My family and I have never been “close” we talk but not close.

@brinibear My family and I have never been “close” we talk but not close.

That is sad- I am sorry for you. Perhaps you can turn this into a chance to become closer? You really do have accept that for whatever reason they have the final say on how your little sister is raised – they might have decided that the way they raised you was not a good thing if it resulted in you not being close. Perhaps they are now amending their parenting attitudes – allowing little kids to be little kids.

Tell your mom and dad.

Yeah, what @BBSDTfamily said. Have you talked with your parents about this? What’s their opinion?

I would suggest not to worry when someone else slacking off. The fact you are doing your best is really good enough. Your sister will one day remember how you showed the right example. If not, that would be to her detriment, but not your problem.

That would be great, except the fact that one is always at work, the other one is looking, and I am looking too. The teamwork that we shared every once in a while doesn’t exist. That’s why I asked the question. putting dishes away isn’t a diffucult task, and sweeping the hallway isn’t really much to ask for. All I wanted were some ideas. I do reward her when she helps out, but it’s not often that she does. I try the best I can with what I have, and it’s not much. I’m paying rent, with all the money I get a month, and I am desperately looking for a job. It is hard. And that is also why I don’t have any children right now, cause I couldn’t do it.

Why is everyone focused on laundry. Being a mother of three this seems like a legit question to me. Your sister should have a list of chores outside of keeping her room clean. Maybe setting the table, sweeping a floor, putting away the dishes. Try sitting down with your parents and reminding them how it was for you at her age and the values it teaches to have assigned chores. Working together as a family brings everyone closer and takes the burden off one person doing all the work.

@mponochie thank you for understanding. you know what it is like to turn around, and see the laundry basket full, and the kitchen a mess when you turn around. muddy paw prints on the floor. It sucks. But the whole laundry thing is new to me. I didn’t have any friends whose parents did their laundry. But anyways folding and putting away her laundry would be nice.

I understand that you are resentful about having to do what you consider to be an unfair amount of work. You need to work out a more specific plan with your parents about what your responsibilities and priveleges are in the house, and perhaps put it in writing, similar to a rental agreement.

You are not actually responsible for the behavior of your sister, and should not make her part of your concern.

Your job, at 22, unemployed and living off your parents, is to be the house wench. This is what you do to pay your parents for supporting you. This is how, as an adult, you are earning your keep. The alternative is to look harder for a job, find your own place, and continue to wash dishes, do the laundry, etc. for yourself.

This is what adults do. They clean up the space they occupy. Often after other people.

Your question seems to imply that you consider your nine year old sister as a “peer.” At 22, why would you want to have a nine year old peer?

@PandoraBoxx you have a job don’t you? So you’re not as concerned, as those who don’t have jobs. The economy has ruined many lives, mine included. Yeah, there are jobs hiring, but I am not qualified for many of them, and I am over qualified for others. I have yet found a place where I fit in work wise. I am out ground pounding everyday. Every week I am at the copy store making 100 copies of my resume. I am desperately looking. BWTF would you know You can’t make a judgement of somebody that you don’t know everybody has a different situation. And when you are pulling all of your resources, and not getting anything, it is very frustrating. I have been looking for a job since day one.

I wasn’t going to post on this one, because I wanted it to be @brinibear‘s thread. She went through some troubles, and mama and I invited her back home to stay until she got back on her feet. Mama has a full-time day job, and has a business to run that is doing pretty well, all things considered. I have been out of work, except for a few odd temp jobs, since early last year. I spend a lot of my time on home improvement/repair projects, as well as odd handyman jobs for friends and neighbors. Li’l Bit (the 9-year-old) is in school. Right now her main priority is making sure her homework is done and things are ready for school the next day.

I can understand that @brinibear is frustrated; frustrated about the divorce, frustrated about the economy, and frustrated about the chores that seem endless, and then frustrated when she sees her little sister getting away with what seems like almost no chores. @brinibear is generous with her contributions for groceries and supplies, and that is appreciated. I think she somtimes feels unappreciated, and I will try to remember to thank her for what she does.

Thank you, @brinibear

Just give her some reinforcement.
I let my little sister wear my clothes if she does what i ask(= Always works!

@brinibear _Look, dear, it can’t be easy. The situation you are in emotionally, as well as not having a job, and being back in your parent’s house can be very stressful. I think it isn’t about the laundry, or whether your nine year old sister can use a front loader or not. I also think that at 22, divorced and back living with your parents is neither a Cinderella situation, nor a permanent situation. So let’s put things into perspective:

One: Their house, their rules.

Two: 9 or 10 year old girls will love a little extra responsibilty, the trick is to make it a game, and also give them positive reinforcement and feedback when a job is done well. This is called training for life, and a 9–10 year old will learn and do things naturally. I’m not saying fire the maid, and round the clock chores for the girl (or boy) – I’m saying helping fold laundry while talking about the day at school, or helping to clear the dishes is a good way to open the channels of communication, and prepare the kid for life. Everything in moderation.

Those of you with raised eyebrow, get it down as it looks silly on you. Today’s 9 year old is different, and a few chores will do wonders for them. Keep ‘em away from the ipod iphone icq, too, for a few.

Part two of this missive is about you, dear. It’s a temporary situation. No job? Be on the look out all the time (read about writing up your resume and interviews and improving your skills. Taking classes? Have friends and go out? I need more details – IM me of you wish.

But the question, and your notes, are only the sympton.

Help is on the way.

Everything’s gonna be alright.

:-)

9-year-olds know what ICQ is?

@Sarcasm I gather you don’t have kids.

with my bro, i used bribery and then hoped he forgot, and i also made him feel guilty for not doing it… which i know is probably mean, but it kinda worked… =)