Why do you call what you’re doing being “in a rut?” Why do you judge yourself so harshly? Or is it others that are judging you and you believe them?
Lives are to be enjoyed. I mean, life is an incredible gift, so why not enjoy it? Some people may believe that the meaning of life is something that obligates us to be “productive” in some way that is different from how we are. But how can you know if what you are doing is really being in a rut, or whether it will turn out to be useful to you in the future.
Can time be wasted? Only if you aren’t paying attention, I think. If you wish you were doing something other than you are doing, then who are you? Pay attention to what you are doing, and you won’t have time to wish you were doing something else.
So my answer to your “rut” problem is that you should pay attention. Do what you do. Stop judging it. Just participate fully in it. If you are stagnant, destructive and lazy, then do it well. Really be in your stagnance, your destructiveness and your laziness. Don’t beat yourself up for it. Just do it. Trust me. One thing will lead to another, and you’ll find yourself doing things you care about, even if it’s just what you were doing before. Only this time, you’ll be fully in it, not watching and judging.