This isn’t exactly a Bar Story as I wasn’t in a bar when I heard it but here goes…
When I used to work in the building trade I shared a house in York with this lad that was a grave digger, one Saturday a mate of his was visiting from Manchester and we were sat in the kitchen that afternoon having a few beers and chatting, we got onto the subject of girls and sex and this Manc lad told us the funniest stories ever.
He had met this girl and they really hit it off, were hanging out loads, and in his words (were going out and getting totally fucked up and shagging like mad for a couple weeks) so one crazy night they go out and end up back at his place and in the morning he wakes up and realises he has shit the bed, she’s still asleep at this point, he thinks what the fuck am I gonna do? So get’s up smears some of the shit up her arse crack and goes and cleans himself up. He then comes back to the bedroom, slips into to bed and then starts shouting at her, “WHAT THE FUCK? YOU’VE SHIT THE BED”
She of course freaks out, cleans herself up and gets out of there as quick as possible and he never hears from her again!!
The really funny thing is after he told the story he said “I wish I hadn’t done that, she was ace, I think I might have loved her”