Most of the women who are attached to men in prison met them before they got in trouble. I’ve known literally hundreds of incarcerated men and I do not know of any who had women seek them out just because they were in prison. A lot of prisoners don’t like being seen by loved ones. It is a great emotional and financial hardship on families and, quite often, the family finds the prisoner too much to deal with, especially if this is his second, third or fourth time down (which, thanks to hair-trigger parole conditions, can happen with alarming frequency).
Visiting is a tremendous hassle for both visitor and visited. The guards often make no distinction between prisoner and family, and so treat everyone like shit. They strip-search family members, like make you wait, or send you home for wearing a sleeveless shirt, just to rub their power in your face. Unless you have children, it often isn’t worth it. Conjugal visits are a great way of motivating prisoners to “behave” but not everyone is legally married, has proper ID, weekends off, or the time or money to set it up. And, there is always the chance of some guard choosing to be a dick and ruining the whole thing—or the institution suddenly goes on lockdown without notice.
Many parents and significant others take a distinct pride in standing by their men, but for many others the rule is ambivalence and abandonment. They are not desperate, gullible morons; they are people just like you or I, perhaps less fortunate and less educated.
If you have a friend or family member in prison it is important that you visit them. There are often things going on that they can’t tell you about in letters or on the phone.