Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

Did you deserve rejection?

Asked by wundayatta (58722points) October 25th, 2009
11 responses
“Great Question” (2points)

I’m sure that most of us have difficulty with rejection. I think we’ve seen a number of questions here about dealing with rejection. Often the implication of dealing with rejection is that we think we didn’t deserve it.

Have there been times when you did deserve rejection? Can you give an example? Was it any easier to handle deserved rejection than undeserved rejection?

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Answers

jackm's avatar

I think to be rejected for something, we have to think we are entitled to it first. (I assume you aren’t talking about not winning the lottery, or some other similar situation)

So, no, if I am ever rejected I must have felt like I deserved it first.

HGl3ee's avatar

I don’t think that anyone ever really deserves rejection. I think it’s a life lesson that everyone has to learn at one point or another..

It’s never fun but it is a part of developing as a human being. Emotionally and mentally.

I have been rejected a few times but never felt that it was deserved or not. It just happened, I learned from it and moved on. – LB

Parrappa's avatar

Yes, actually. I was cut from the baseball team last year. I am a solid player, really I am. I am fundamentally sound in all areas. I’ve got good baseball sense, know a lot about the game, and I was the fastest player at tryouts (we had races) and I was cut because the two other kids trying out for first base were better at it then me. I’d never played first base before and the tryouts were my first experience with it and I did really good except there were a few minor things here and there that the other two kids did that I didn’t.

So yes, I did deserve to be rejected I guess. It’s just a lesson for me to come back next year and improve on what I couldn’t do the year before.

gemiwing's avatar

Hmm. Interesting question.

I’ve had both deserved and undeserved rejection. Mainly from friends/dating partners. I think it was a lot easier to deal with the deserved rejection because it comes with its own little bag of closure.

Undeserved can feel like someone ripped the top layer of your pride/heart off.

I’m very good as seeing a problem or issue from all sides. So eventually after thinking about it from as many angles as I can see, whether I agree with them or not, eventually a pattern emerges. Then I can start to understand and move on.

The older I get the more I realize that sometimes, there is no reason. I have to learn to be ok with that.

drdoombot's avatar

I experienced the most profound rejection of my life precisely one decade ago. It drastically changed the direction of my life. I’m still feeling the effects to this day.

Did I deserve rejection? She never even gave us a shot, so I can’t say that I know.

Haleth's avatar

I don’t think there is such a thing as undeserved rejection. I’m not trying to be a downer here, this is just a perspective I’ve gained as I became more mature. When I was younger I thought I was the shit. If I was rejected for any reason I thought the world wasn’t fair, and instead of trying to introspect over it I was full of righteous indignation. Now I try to have a realistic view of my flaws and attributes, and if I am rejected I try to understand what went wrong instead of beating myself up over it. I try to think of it from the other person’s perspective. I went on a job interview a few days ago after a big night of partying, and I didn’t do a good job of building rapport with the interviewer. You could say it was unfair, because I was definitely qualified for the job, but there were tons of other applicants who probably didn’t come in hung over. So… what I’m trying to say is, rejections aren’t inherently fair or unfair. You could have tons of great qualities, and maybe you should/ could have been accepted, but still fail to reach the other person in some way.

TitsMcGhee's avatar

I usually find that I get rejected (for sex, at least) when I plan out too much of it beforehand (ESPECIALLY when I pick out specific underwear, for some reason). I rarely find myself feeling deserving of rejection though. If I put out earnest effort and get rejected, I don’t feel like I deserve it at all.

galileogirl's avatar

Maybe I’m strange but if I offer something and I’m rejected my most common feeling is that it’s their loss.

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

sometimes yes, sometimes no. We’re not always good enough to get what we want, and sometimes we’re better than what we’ve gotten… it’s just how things are.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Yes, I can say in an instance I did deserve it because I didn’t speak up to be understood and too much damage from passive agressive behavior killed the relationship. A shame really since it was the best I’d had.

LuhvKiller's avatar

i dont think i’ve ever deserved rejection. I was always nice and gave my whole heart but i received a handful of sh!t in return. Although the people that rejected me are with ho’s and they look like shit themselves so I think i did alright lol

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