I would be interested to know who it was that told you all this. Especially the part about passive-aggressive striking back just doesn’t ring true.
If all these opinions are coming from a therapist, I personally would consider finding a more competent one. I have a hunch though that’s it’s most likely a friend or relative who (perhaps well-meaning) has picked up a little terminology somewhere and put it together into a mish mash of something with a helpful sounding aura.
There are numerous books on the subject by those who have been through it and have far more accurate advice to give.
One good one is “Co-dependent No More” and I believe the author’s name is Weggsheider-Cruse. It’s been a while since I’ve read it so I can’t swear by the accuracy of spelling on the author name but I know I’ve got the title right.
Most people don’t react well the first time they are told that they are being an enabler as it’s perceived as an insult. But most enablers do what they do put of misguided love and lack of knowledge of how else to cope. It’s difficult, especially with addicts or alcoholics, to step back and allow them to deal with the consequences of their choices. The enabler wants to rescue them and prevent the more dire consequences such as jail. It is very difficult for an enabled to allow consequences and there is a fine line, especially where children are involved.
Both individual therapy and self help groups can be enormously helpful as it’s a complex type of situation which does not lend itself to pat, easy answers. It’s a process which can take a while.