Ok, for cardio, do interval workouts. You will get much more bang for the buck. Sprint up and incline, slowly jog or walk down and repeat.
The “Abercrombie” look seems to focus on muscles on the inside and outside of the pelvic region. Take a heavy dumbell or bookbad with lots of books and do sets of 8–12 side dips. For the inside do leg raises if you have the equipment. You really only need a bar to hang from. Go to a park if you have to. Running will take care of the rest of the abs.
For upper body, just do varied types of pushups. Move your stance and incline/ decline levels to hit as many groups as you can. For the shoulders do pushups against the wall, head to the floor. You will need to be doing 200 or so a day, but start slower. Wear a backpack to add weight.
Pull up with palms forward and palms back to work shoulders and biceps.
This should really be a two step process. In the first step, limit yourself to 45 minutes of cardio a week and just bulk up, eat a lot, etc. Stage two really hit the cardio and change your diet to have less fat.
This will get you your look without needing to buy any equipment and can be done at home. Oh, and practice your “douche face” look.