I don’t think you were wrong to ask her to stop swearing! .... Didn’t you ask a question the other day about an SO flipping out when you’re just trying to help? You were unpacking or something.
It is, however, important to really, really look inside yourself for your own motives (I’m speaking of your marriage in general, not the swearing. You were right to ask her to stop) Your wife may not see your reasons for doing what you do, the way you percieve them. For example, my husband has this thing about doing things, supposedly FOR me, but when I don’t respond like he thinks I should he gets angry, and it causes tension. For example, he has this thing about food, especially cooking in the kitchen. It’s something he likes to do. Every night he uses at least 2, or more, various kinds of pans for his creation, and ALWAYS with meat of some kind as the base. He used to tell me he was doing it all for me. The thing is, I don’t particularly care for meat. I’m happy as a clam with a bean burrito in the microwave, or some pasta and diced tomatoes and that’s all. I’ve told him this over, and over, and over, yet he still gets mad if I’m not hungry when he decides when the food is done (which is quite often 10 at night, when I’m ready for bed.) He doesn’t cook for me. If he did he’d take my tastes into consideration once in a while, AND he’d take into consideration whether I’m hungry or not. I may be starving, but if he’s not hungry, he don’t cook. But gets upset with me if I go fix something in the kitchen because he’s going to be “starting dinner soon!” (this is at 8 at night.) BUT, to hear him tell it, he goes through all that he goes through for me, not himself. And he really believes it! And it frustrates the hell out of me. PLUS, guess who gets to do all the dishes the next day. (He IS getting better though. Doesn’t get mad when I don’t eat, like he used to.)