@jonsblond I would have to agree that she is catering to her children, but I guess in her mind she is doing her idea of Christmas, which it turns out is in conflict with your expectations. I have never been one to send the children out of the room, so I would feel the same as you on that front. I like everyone to be together; I like to talk to my young neice and nephew, and I think it good when children have the opportunity to interact and participate with adults and family.
They have been together 3 years, so I would guess the last couple of years they have come to your mom’s Christmas Eve? It can be so complicated. You probably have seen on other threads that I will be going to Vegas for Christmas, so this year I have ducked the whole obligation, but typically we go to my husband’s parents and she makes all of the traditional food that is traditional to them, but it has not happened that way every year since we have been married. A couple of years it was at my house, and so I did not cook what she cooks (because I don’t know how to make most of it) and I think they felt that Christmas was just not the same. But, I was not insisting it be at my house, it was kind of extenuating circumstance, it is not even my holiday. I think if the “parents” are still alive and want to still make the effort to do all of the work to host Christmas Eve, they should win.