Dear Dude:
I am not interested in you romantically or in meeting you for a date. We can still be friends, but only friends. I wish you luck in finding that special someone.
Best,
Troubleinharlem
Look, if you’re not interested and he is, unfortunately, that’s his lookout. Surely there have been fellows you were interested in who didn’t return your interest. Was that their problem? Of course not. They went on with their lives, didn’t they? Well, that’s how it is. And this is a good thing. At least he didn’t waste your time waffling. You were able to (eventually) let go and move on to greener pastures.
I know from my own experience that because I’d feel like crap when some guy I was interested in didn’t like me that way, I would feel bad when some guy I didn’t like would get upset that I wasn’t interested, and I’d be all, well… well, and it just made cutting them off even more painful for them at the end, and I’d feel worse after realizing that I had led them on.
I have learned that people can’t take it personally when someone isn’t interested in them. They can’t. After a while, I figured out that it’s a waste of energy to try to make someone like you when they aren’t interested. From what you’re saying, the guy is being manipulative right now because he hasn’t learned that lesson yet, and because he’s been able to use your reticence thus far to press his wants onto you. You don’t have to let that happen if you really aren’t interested.
For your part, don’t keep the guy on tenterhooks. Cut it cleanly by being honest with no weasel words or equivocating. Tell him straight out that you are not interested. It is entirely possible to be kind yet straightforward at the same time. Don’t worry about how he’s going to deal with it. If he can’t, then he needs to grow up.