I had a very traumatic childhood. My father was physically and emotionally abusive. I started running away at the age of 14 and was kicked- out of my house at age 17. My dad then took off for about 5 years, leaving my disabled mother with one minor child, one adult child and a grandson.

I never had a relationship with my father. Over the past four years he really made amends with my mother (he was abusive to her, as well). He took care of her 24/7 until the day she died.

The day my mother died my dad called me and cried. He apologized for being a bad dad, for being unavailable, for hurting me. Basically he apologized and asked me to forgive him for everything he ever did to wrong me. He told me he loved my wife (She was with me every second while my mother lay dying. She was so attentive to my mother, and I think he saw how much she loves me and how wonderful a person she is.) and that he just wanted me to be happy.

But how do I get past 35 years of being alienated from, scared of, and ambivalent towards my father? What do I do? I don’t know how to talk to him. I don’t know what to say. I’m scared to even approach him. I am still and angry, frightened child when it comes to my dad.

Suggestions? Personal experience? Help?!

Topics: relationships, parents, children, family, fathers, daughters