Forgive my stepfather for poisoning my daughter’s pets to get back at me for a perceived wrong he imagined I did him. I am still trying and have, to date, been unsuccessful.

Well…for me…that would be brain surgery.

Shuffle a deck of cards the “bridge” way, making that flipppppppppp sound. Can’t do it for the life of me.

Convince my father I won’t go to “hell” for being a lesbian.

Have a heart to heart with my Dad. He just can’t express himself emotionally and avoids deep, emotional discussion like the plague.

@SirGoofy hmmm…I would take that to mean you have at least one try under your belt??

@MrItty Try using an older deck and put baby powder on it to lube the cards or try it with ½ a deck to practice the shuffle until you nail it down!

Folding fitted sheets. I can’t do any better than to sort of wad them up. My mother in law can fold fitted sheets so perfectly and neatly, and spent years trying to show me how to do it. I finally gave up.

grow a Wisteria tree/climber – ive tried three times lols – they start off alright and then die on me :(

The thing I am unable to do no matter how hard I try, is to motivate myself enough to make a success of those things that I can do good.
I can sing, and I am very talented with my hands, meaning massage therapy, but I just cannot get myself so far to take it further and make something of my talents.

Ride a skateboard. I’ve tried and tried. In my head I’m a smooth rebel, young and with the wind in my hair. In reality I’m laying on the ground covered in road grit and saying things like “ambulance” and “help”.

@gemiwing I am the same way snowboarding. Only so many time I can fall down before I know better enough to stay off the hill!

MATH! I made almost straight “As” in school, Cruiser, but ANYTHING involving math fell on inept skills, I’m afraid. I’ve always said, anyone good in math is TRULY smart because it’s the one area of “study” where I tried. . . . . . .and failed miserably!

@gemiwing: HAHAHAHAHA!!! Funny stuff!
.
No matter how hard I’ve tried, or for how many years, I can’t get rid of my edginess. I am unable to be what most think of when they think of someone who is “sweet”. I always wanted to be like those people! I am VERY sweet, thoughtful, patient (with those who put forth effort), but not in the trditional sense. I have always been jealous of people who seem to effortlessly be “sweet”. I finally gave up on the idea entirely, because I found that it came across as so fake that people were physically moving themselves away from me. The whole excercise has been a lesson in futility. I have resigned myself to just be “sweet” in my way. It won’t ever get any better :(

I still suck at riding a bicycle…

@Millenium_TheMysteriousM I am calculator dependent myself and my job requires some pretty intense calculations. I have had to craft some detailed Excels spread sheets to eliminate the guess work of creating the formulas I need. Take away the computer and Oh oh I am in trouble!! lol!

Can’t think of anything…other than pressure problems in physics class and to stop calling myself fat.

Fly without the help of an airplane.

@phillis Similar problem here. People are always complaining that I don’t smile. So I put in effort and I can actually feel my cheek muscles pulling tightly, but when I look in the mirror my mouth is still a straight line.
So I don’t bother anymore, only when I really have to smile I force my face into a smile.
Funny enough I have quite a few laugh lines next to my eyes.
So I have something to add to my list. No matter how hard I try, my smiles just will not look or feel natural.

@SirGoofy I’ll let you practice on my dad’s wife

@lucillelucillelucille: Have you actually tried this? :-)

@Confuscious I hate when random people on the street tell me to smile – um, hello, who the hell are you? wtf!

Learn to find my way around without getting lost. I now find out I suffer from Developmental topographical Disorientation. I kid you not. Any one else who has this problem should check out this web site I found,
http://www.gettinglost.ca/
It has a forum and on line tests. Hosted by the university of Vancouver.

Magic Eye posters.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir True, lol. Usually accompanied by something down these lines: “Smile your face is going to stay like that when the bells toll.” Or ” What’s wrong with you?” Or ” It costs nothing to smile, you know?”
And the worst part is that many of those times I was actually smiling.

@moley_thecontrarydragon DO you have a GPS? It would seem to me your life would depend on one!! So DTD is what all men have?? I still refuse to ask for directions!! lol!

@lucillelucillelucille I can help you with your desire to overcome the force of gravity!! A little boot power will get you on your way!

I cannot braid my hair properly without the aid of a mirror! It’s infuriating!!!

@lucillelucillelucille: Perhaps we should go hang gliding sometime!

@cruiser.—
I have a Tom Tom and its a life saver. It cannot help me navigate my way out of buildings though.
It cannot help me remember a dressage test or a course of jumps.—
Sorry havent learnt quite how to whisper yet.

@Dr_Dredd I used to jump off the couch,bed,and out the window of my house,when I was a kid in an attempt to fly.It doesn’t work:( lol!

m a smoker and quitting has been my constant struggle for years..i think and say i will before i have my kids someday but in my head m thinking, “yeah ryt!! as soon as the babys out m smoking!!”

@Cruiser Bring it on!

Ice skate. Just can’t. And it looks like so much fun.

@confuscious: I know just what you mean!! So many people have told me that I’m scowling or frowning, but I’m not! I am very much a thinker, plus I have a hard time concentrating with ANY background noise, and concentration makes me LOOK like I am cross or angry, or just generally unapproachable. The truth of it is that I light up when someone approaches me! I am very approachable! But you don’t know it if all you go by is my facial expression.

Among other things Throat-singing. Maybe I just don’t have the pipes for it.

what is that, @Harp?

@pdworkin This

@lucillelucillelucille here you go!! One free flying lesson coming up! <<grab your ankles, fasten you seat belt>> Prepare to fly! You can flap your arms as it will help keep you airborn just that much longer!! LOL!

Wow, Cruiser! You’ve really come into the light on Fluther! I’ve never seen you so happy or active! ((hug))

@phillis Gee Phillis you make me feel like such an AB stick in the mud! Thanks for noticing! LOL! Once I get my bearings here I may even start drawing on the walls with my crayons!

Well, I am glad to see you happy no matter where you are. That was what I really meant :)
I don’t know why you waste your crayons on silly stuff like drawing on walls. I use mine for important document signing, especially when I’m busy passing important laws and making executive decisions. It’s TOUGH being important! You little people have no idea, the burdens I deal with :)

@Cruiser I am familiar with this technique,and use it to my advantage

@lucillelucillelucille A helmet and elbow pads are the minimal recommended gear helps make your landing much more enjoyable! Enjoy the flight!

@phillis Exactly, hehe :)

juggle with more than two balls lols

Bad girl! Hehehe :)

@phillis I have to tell you that I think you are one of the sweetest people I know my friend. Don’t you dare ever change!

@Millenium_TheMysteriousM Oh you stole my answer! My mind simply does not work with math! Luckily, my son inherited my husband’s math talents! I always struggled with math in school.

@KatawaGrey That sounds like a blast.I have always imagined hanggliding to be the closest one could get to feeling like a bird.That fascinates me!

@moley_thecontrarydragon You’ve never got lost around my company?

@Knight.stop shouting you should whisper,like me. I get lost all the time. so did einstein, he had the same problem

I dont understand the bloody way its explained how to whisper. Is it this? ——whisper——. No. Is it this————- message bla bla bla————- NO! I give up I’m off.

@Blackknight999 Nope, it’s two dashes (no space) text (no space) two dashes.

like this

Yup

Thanks harp

Now THAT was sweet, Barb :)
All I can do is try in my own way. Thank you for the vote of confidence.

Cart wheels or splits.

@curlysue Neither have I!! lol!!

<slaps some pom-poms into Cruiser’s hands>
Get out there, cheerleader! Cheer the guys onto victory!

Waterskiing!!! Simply dont get myself lifted out of the water! And I so much love it, now Im just whatching and tanning on the boat – at least my hubby enjoys when he gets back in the boat wink…

@RubyReds Fun Stuff! Water skiing is my favorite water activity! next to suntanning and drinking a few! Woo Hoo!

peel an onion without dropping some of the skin on the kitchen floor!

@phillis cant wait to see cruiser in the little rah rah skirt and shiny panties

I’ve tried to like today’s music but just can’t. It’s all too ‘Samey.’ Boy Bands. Girl Bands. And a multiple of girl singers all trying to sound like Maria Cary And as for Rap! Just don’t go there.

Still good stuff being recorded.Knight. listening in the wrong places is all.What type is it that you do like

Many and varied sounding songs and groups like in the 60’s.

Cruiser would make avery handsome cheerleader, moley:)

Draw a human face.

@moley_thecontrarydragon I alway thought there was something suspect about that young man Cruiser. lol!

Poor Cruiser. I think I pissed him off! He isn’t liking any of these jokes.

@phillis It’s character building. It’ll make a man of him. lol!

After I finally got to see his avatar for the first time I have no doubt that he is indeed a man. Look at those arms! Nice mug, too

@phillis Yeah! But what about those skinny legs? lol!

@Blackknight999 Your first avatar had skinny legs but I bet cruiser could crush walnuts with his thighs,(wiping drool off chin) I do love these avavtars.

<licks computer screen when no one is looking>

@moley_thecontrarydragon @phillis. You are both a lost cause. LOL!

HAHAHAHAHAH!!! Just having a little bit of fun, Blacknight :)

@Blackknight999 Hey bro time to take notes….whips out pom poms and does hand spring and flip flop….grabs a handful of walnuts and crushes them all between his thighs

Here BK…care for some real nuts?? lol!
@phillis…I appreciate your confidence in my cheer leading abilities I just hate having to show down another man in front of others but BK just didn’t seem to get it!!

@moley_thecontrarydragon Here you go Moley fresh squeezed walnut oil!! LOL!

Damn. Now I have to clean my screen all over again!

I don’t know if it will make ya feel any better about the playing and singing deal, but that’s very common. Watch the lead singers that play guitar in bands. More often than not they’re playing a simple strum while singing, and the rest of the band plays the more complex rhythms. There’s an awful lot that your brain is trying to coordinate. The motion, position and rhythm of the right hand, the same for the left, but it has to do it’s thing an instant before the right, and then you’re adding a lyric that generally isn’t synchronized with either the left or the right hand. The tendency is to sing your note in time with the note or chord of the guitar. You’re not alone on that one, even many professional musicians have trouble. You might try a finger picking method. They’re generally very repetitive in pattern, so you don’t have to concentrate so much on a rhythm, yet it sounds complex.

Touching my elbow with my nose has proven to be a fruitless endeavor so far.

@Cruiser Hey! Man. Nice to have you back. It’s a bit like the good old days as it was on the now binned A/B. Humour! What would we do without it? I’v had my nuts crushed a few times I can tell you but not between my own thights LOL! Brings tears to your eyes! You are the champ though. I’ll just sit on the side lines watching you strut your stuff man. Oooooh! Pink panties again. You saucy young man! LOL!

@Carmella It’s also impossible to lick your elbow. I remind my kids of this every now and then, because they immediately have to try it and they look so funny.

@phillis I saw him first
@Blackknight999 stop looking up cruisers skirt you horrible man
@Cruiser dont worry about the pink panties, I love a man who is in touch with his feminine side

@moley_thecontrarydragon Well he shouldn’t do cart wheels.
@phillis Hey! I don’t want him. Eeeeerr! lol!
@Cruiser I was just thinking how Moley would look in them and doing cartwheels?

@Blackknight999 you would be better off pouring bleach in your eyes than watching me do cartwheels. Believe me I know

@moley_thecontrarydragon Try me?

No matter what I cannot go close to a horse or ride one though my kids love to ride and I take them riding often enough.

@Confuscious You have a good skill set there, Confuscious! Have you ever seriously entertained the idea of hiring a life coach for a few months’ time to help you get on track with a few goals you would like to achieve with those skills of yours? ...It would help you to attain goals that might be too difficult to put into practice on your own—- nothing like getting motivated with a lil’ ol’ ‘push’ to it! ... What think?

Adding the fourth object…when juggling. I can do three; I can juggle different objects; I can juggle a baseball, egg, and apple, taking bites out of the apple…but I can’t add a fourth object. Nuts!

I cannot seem to take the next “quantum leap” in my chess game. (learning chess is very much like learning math or music – you learn in “leaps”. All of a sudden, you grasp a concept, and it will click and you will say, “Ah ha!”

Write a book. I just cannot seem to motivate myself. I know I can do it, it is just doing it.

You really COULD write a book, Trissy. Just put our comment threads together and VIOLA!

My inability to have any kind of F2F social relationship, with one notable exception. It is not something that can be gained by practice if the brain is not hard-wired the right way. When a basic aptitude is missing. repeated attempts to learn only increase the frustration level and sense of failure. Most adult Aspies understand this.

@MissAusten I’d be glad to give you lessons, but the resulting bed will look like it belongs in a barracks and you can bounce a quarter off the blanket, LOL.