I make it a rule for myself not to date people I would want to change. That helps eliminate those problems. As for pointing them out, I think that you need to make a judgment call as to whether or not it’s worth it. I had a boyfriend who would tell me I was beautiful. Then he’d criticize the way I dressed, who my friends were, and so on. He wanted me to change my hair colour and the way I spent my time. He wanted me to get rid of certain friends just because he didn’t like hearing about them and they didn’t matter to him. He wanted me to wear slutty clothes for him in public just so that he could show off that he had a girlfriend. All of this was rather hurtful. I kept giving him tons of chances because as at least one of our mutual friends told me, I WAS, after all, his first girlfriend. Anyway, he’d try to change my sexual orientation. (I was straight and he knew it. He badly wanted me to be bisexual or at least bi-curious). He later cheated on me and later suggested a threesome with the girl he cheated on me with after I found out. I felt incredibly uncomfortable and I pushed him away when it came to him kissing me and cuddling with me and all of this stuff because I felt like I wasn’t even important to him or even necessary other than my body. After all, I was a girl who wore modest clothing. I also tried to be sweet, understanding, kind, forgiving, loyal, and so on. I defended him so much to the point that I ended up pushing some of my own friends away from me. His reputation when I was with him was more important than my own. I was extremely blinded by him when I was with him and thought that his criticisms were for my benefit. I made any excuse I could think of for his behaviour because I wanted so badly for it to work. He’d get mad at me/frustrated with me for the littlest things. He’d get mad at the way I talked. He’d get mad at the way I didn’t like to have extreme displays of affection in public. This is a guy who wanted to grope me in public and when that would offend me, he’d get mad at me as though I didn’t care about him. It took so long to see him for what he really was… an insecure, lonely person. These aren’t the things that made me stay, though. Apologies and reassurances that he loved me were. Among other things: He knew how to make me feel better and I felt protected when I was with him. I felt obligated to stay with him because he was my first when it came to physical things. His friends kept telling me “he wasn’t like that” when I’d say I felt like he only wanted sex. And so on. And so on. He’d also tell me things I wanted to hear. I wanted to believe he was telling me the truth. I so badly wanted to believe he was a good guy that I so desperately hung onto anything that proved to me that he was. Anyway, my point in all of this is, make sure you have a very good reason to speak out against something your SO does. There are times when it’s just not worth it and isn’t even constructive criticism. There are times when it’s just you being judgmental. Make your call. If it’s not worth it, forget about it.