Social Question

Steve_A's avatar

Do you think too much, like I do?

Asked by Steve_A (5125points) December 22nd, 2009
32 responses
“Great Question” (9points)

Really I find myself thinking on matters and truly only finding my self driving into insanity at which point I need to stop myself.

I think maybe the biggest problem for me is I do not feel like what the society of where I live considers “normal” is me at all. I have become a rather cold person bit boring possibly, though even with that I find the saying of “you should not care what people think, do what you want” Very hard to live or go by…..

I do not celebrate the holidays,my own birthday or anything of the such for the past couple of years my own family I feel now is my little brother and sister, and my grandma. Friends, well for me that is a loose term and often I find myself needing to be “fake” to accommodate differences as not to make a friendship seem odd or what have you…..which in the end annoys me a bit.

but I do not mind it , in fact, I have come to enjoy the simplicity,respect, and odd joy of being a loner, but maybe because without the random everyday things that come into play with whom “normal” people would have I find myself thinking too much.

do you yourself find this to be a problem.

I know this is pretty offbeat/odd question ,but alas if anything I just wanted your thoughts.

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Cotton101's avatar

loll..what is normal Steve? Think you are very normal. We all second guess ourselves. That is only human! Personally, just do the best I can and let the “chips fall where they fall!”

Good question!

Steve_A's avatar

I had meant normal for what people where I live would consider normal.

My English is not the best I apologize.

I feel fine or do I…? But people would look at me if they knew and be hmmm thats a bit odd. I just know it.

Not all but a fair share….

camouflage_pants's avatar

thinking too much is a common ailment of those with different views of the world compared to those who follow society’s norms. Do you worship and follow celebrities? Do you believe in the gods of your forefathers (or even just your parents) because you are supposed to? Do you do what is expected of you, like get married and have children, because you are supposed to?

I follow my own road, march to the beat of my own drummer and I don’t look to others for validation because other people are more fucked up that you know. While this may cause friction and conflict in your day to day interactions with others, it is better to star in your own life that to simply live it as you are expected.

Be yourself, and to Hell with other people, unless they are people you love and respect. Respect should never be freely given; it should be earned. An ancient Roman emperor once said, “Take care of yourself and those close to you, reward the soldiers, and despise everyone else.” Pretty good advice, as far as I am concerned.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Yes, like you, I, too, think too much – and I too am not ‘normal’ by the standards of those that surround me but I have principles and character and compassion – I stand apart based on those not on my ‘weirdness’

mowens's avatar

I had a thought once. Didn’t much care for it.

CMaz's avatar

Join the club. :-)

Steve_A's avatar

I suppose I was always in the club, eh? :D

JustPlainBarb's avatar

I do tend to overthink situations quite often. It can drive you nutty if you allow it to. Happily though, as I grow older, I do see that things tend to work themselves out… whether we think about them to death or just proceed with our lives in a logical way. There are actually some good things about getting older .. you acquire a certain “calm” about life that alows you enjoy it more.

Oh and “normal” is always open to interpretation .. what’s normal to me might be pretty offbeat to someone else. Just don’t compare yourself to others… just be the best YOU you can be and you’re doing just fine. If that’s being a loner or a party animal… don’t worry about it.

Blackberry's avatar

I think we are the same person, but I like the way I am, I would rather think too much then to not think at all. There’s too many of those people and I’m reminded of that everyday, or when I watch fox news.

Velvetinenut's avatar

I know I contemplate about things much more than my local peers. I am considered weird and a bit of an outsider. I don’t fit into a lot of social circles and I have a small clique of friends. Someone once commented that I was aloof but actually quite intelligent.

erichw1504's avatar

Usually I do on things that bother me the most, but I guess that’s pretty normal.

MarkyMark's avatar

I’m a bit of a loner and a thinker. I don’t think thinking too much is a problem per se. The trick is to find things worth thinking about.
There’s such a thing as destructive thoughts so some mental discipline is a necessary to keep your thoughts constructive. Some things are not worth thinking about and you will find many examples of that on forums like this. You can choose what you want to spend your time on and you can exercise some control over the nature of your thoughts.
If you take some time to sort the wheat from the chaff I’m sure you can find subjects worth applying your mind to. As some wise person once said “You are your thoughts” – so aim high. Don’t waste your time and energy.

Good friends are hard to come by. It’s great having a few friends to talk to. So when you meet someone you like, cherish them. ☺

Cotton101's avatar

@MarkyMark very good!

Steve_A's avatar

I concur, fantastic quote!

“You are your thoughts”

curosity_killed_the_cat's avatar

LOL you are not the only one. I overthink everything, sometimes its a problem with think about stuff I don’t want to. Maybe im consider a loner because I dont have many friends. Only because they would ask me a question and then get upset when I tell them the truth..LOL.

philosopher's avatar

I tend to think too much . Find some type of exercise you enjoy, read a good book. Be yourself and do not worry so much about how others perceive you. If you perceive yourself positivly others will too.

stratman37's avatar

Who’d a thunk it?

forgewolf's avatar

I guess its normal to think about a lot of stuff especially when your growing up and a lot of responsibilities that comes with it.

SirGoofy's avatar

Not only do I think too much….I can easily describe my thinking as equivalent to nuclear chimera accompanied by extreme waves of highly radioactive speculation.

You’re normal.

erichw1504's avatar

@stratman37 You’da thunk it!

wundayatta's avatar

How can you think too much? You may find the answers to this question interesting,

I don’t think you can think too much. Thinking is about analyzing the world and seeking to understand it. I’ve been told I think too much on numerous occasions. I never really understood what that meant, but after a number of years I began to see it either as people saying that they don’t want to think any more about something. or people thinking that I’m thinking more than I need to in order to make a decision.

For some of us, the joy is in understanding. That is the action we are taking. We don’t have to make some choice about doing this or that. Our choice is to continue to think about it. Others see this as dithering and indecisiveness. They see it as a weakness. We see it as fun. Perhaps even a strength. In any case, we are pretty much powerless to stop it.

I don’t want to stop it. Yeah, I have all kinds of problems—debilitating insecurities, doubts and the like. On good days, I can be like this: sure of myself and my thinking and my beliefs. On bad days…. well, let’s just say that I’ve considered suicide as a viable option far too often.

Feeling like an outsider is tough. It is lonely. Fortunately there is the internet, and it is possible to find more people of a similar nature than it was a decade or more ago. Also places of higher education house a lot of intelligent weirdos.

I believe that the best solution is to become comfortable with who you are. This takes years. I think the way to do it is to gradually give yourself more and more permission to stop trying to be what you think others think you should be (which may actually a case of thinking too much, but isn’t really something people like us can control), and to start doing and thinking what you really think. In other words, you want to relax on trying to please others, and be your natural self as much as you can manage it.

Paradoxically, it seems that when you are fully yourself, doing and thinking what you really want to do and think, you get better and better at it, until people start appreciating it. Not always does this happen, but often enough.

In my own case, I think I’m a bit offbeat and that I don’t share the same moral views as most of society. There are a number of people, it turns out, who think similarly to the way I do. A lot of them are here, which is why I stay here. The other thing is that I have been practicing saying what I think for years now, and I find that I’m not getting as much opposition as I used to. I hope that means I’m getting more persuasive and not that people have just gotten tired of seeing me.

The weirdest thing, however, is that people actually seem to like me and/or appreciate what I have to say. I never thought it was actually possible, although I wanted it all my life. Of course, it’s nice in this community. My next challenge is to see if I could be heard in a larger community—one that includes a more diverse set of opinions.

What I’ve been doing here is practicing honesty and practicing non-defensiveness. I want to show myself, warts and all (but especially the warts), and I want to learn to listen as well as I can. I find that I have to suspend defensive reactions and learn how to ask questions to find out not just what people think, but more importantly, where they have come from; what has lead them to think what they think. I find that with this knowledge I can be more sympathetic to people who hold views I despise. Often times, they have concerns similar to mine. They just think we should have a policy that I think won’t work.

As I said, I really don’t believe that people mean the surface meaning when they say you think to much. I think they mean they aren’t interested in what you are thinking. It’s too convoluted and unnecessary.

It’s your life, and if you find thinking to be necessary, then do it. If you find that you are being marginalized because of this, it can’t be helped. Stick to it. You have a good chance that after many hard years, the easy years will come where people finally accept your thinking to be worthwhile. And if they don’t, you have still been happier than you would have been pretending to be someone else.

Cotton101's avatar

@daloon very good answer!

Supacase's avatar

My brain almost never shuts off. I consider that too much as it keeps me from falling asleep at night.

janbb's avatar

@Supacase Yes, I can feel myself thinking about things even when Iam supposedly sleeping.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

Sounds a bit like me. Diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome about two years ago. In social situations F2F, I “freeze up” trying to analyse the situation. Social decisions that others make instantaneously take me anywhere from minutes to weeks to forever to figure out. Many opportunities lost due to this inability to instantly assess the situatiuon as a “normal” person can. I basically gave up many years ago. Until recently there was one who could interpret these situations for me. Now gone. Back to total social isolation.

Sophief's avatar

Steve, you sound just like me. I don’t do any of that either, I’m a loner, sounds awful but that is what society calls it. I don’t see it like that, I just prefer to be with my boyfriend and nothing else. I’m not into partying or celebrations or even having conversations. Between the ages of 21 and 26 I was the complete opposite, I went out every night. If someone told me this is how I’d be now I would of laughed. But I am very happy now. People can’t understand it, but we are all different, right?

DominicX's avatar

I think “normal” is one of the most destructive words in the world. People will sacrifice their true selves for the sake of “normal” and make themselves miserable, it’s awful. And that of course can come in varying forms and degrees. Being homosexual, I know I’ve done it before. The opposite of normal is “uncommon” and “uncommon” does not equal “bad” or “wrong”.

No, I am not a loner and no, I am not an introvert. But I’ve learned that worrying about how “normal” you are isn’t worth it. As long as you are doing what you want to do and it isn’t hurting anyone, I don’t see the problem in it.

Anyway, people have already given good enough answers, I just wanted to throw that out there.

wundayatta's avatar

@Cotton101 You know, people say I give good advice, but I have exactly the same problem, and I can’t apply that advice to myself. Makes me wonder how good the advice really is. I know it should work. I just don’t seem to be able to make it work. Beats the shit out of me.

ratboy's avatar

I don’t think. At least I don’t think so.

Kelly_Obrien's avatar

Well, I am…therefore I think. But how much? No, not too much. Well maybe sometimes…well, no…maybe not..well….

Cotton101's avatar

@daloon LOL..can relate with those comments!

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