well, hop in, cause i’ve felt that way my whole conscious life. it’s such an odd feeling, i don’t know whether to feel ashamed, selfish, ill-nurtured, silly, etc i think part of it is me living in a place of my own where regardless of reality and how something will turn out, it’s always built up in my hand to this fantasy or my expectations take on a mind of their own, where almost all things are upsetting, people back away, or miss something with me, if in a relationship, because i am so set somewhere empty, somewhere else they can’t get to. i think a big change would be letting people get to that point with me, where they are let in, i think i’d rather be engulfed by the black hole, than allow anything to try and fill it..i’ve given one attempt and it’s failed miserably, and as people know and operate, that is enough of a chance to last a lifetime =/
i wish you luck, sorry if this is rambling.