I don’t have to predict my actions and reactions. I choose them.

I wish I could predict my own feelings and behaviour – I’d know exactly when to stay in bed.

Sometimes you can get the feeling that “if they say that ot this or that happens, I’ll go mad” but in a way that may be pre-empting and expecting which in itself is likely to alter your mood anyway. (the Royal you, not YOU)

Being the eternal optomist, I always expect to be in a good mood, more often than not I’m disspointed because of some blithering idiot or other but it wont stop me hoping for the best.

I dont think I’d really want to be able to predict the way I feel. Imagine dreading the bad times…................. yikes.

I often know how I will feel or react. I can’t explain it, I just know. The only way I surprise myself, is how I have no control.

With the scheduled? Very predictable. Even regarding some uncertainties, I’m rather logical with things and don’t let my emotions run rampant.

Don’t get jealous, angry, sad or anything of the sort. Generally.

@Grisaille Lucky you.

@Dibley I know how you feel.

Sadly, as much as I would like to be otherwse, my feelings and behavior are almost entirely reactive. My career was entirely duty-oriented, based on orders from superior authority. In my personal life I tend towards autism, depression,pessimism and reaction against irritants. The main method by which I exercise choice is by isolating myself from face-to-face human contact to the greatest degree possible. No irritation, no reaction.

loll..at age 63, dang right Daloon! Got a lot of practice!

@stranger_in_a_strange_land I do that too. I really do not have any friends in the real world. But I don’t want any. I don’t want people in my life that don’t need to be there. I have all on coping with myself.

Unless I’m in pain or depressed, for some reason, I don’t think about how I feel.

Needless to say, I don’t predict my feelings or behavior…I just “go with the flow”.

With that in mind, I avoid those conditions/circumstances (if possible) where I am forced to dwell upon how I feel.

@Dibley Not really. Doesn’t help when you want to feel something but you can’t.

@Dibley We’re two of a kind. :^)

@Grisaille and why can’t you. My boyfriend says that, and I have no idea what that means.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land We sure are.

I like to think I keep my feelings under control. I am in charge of my feelings, so I decide how I feel and behave – well 90% of the time at least

@Dibley Dunno, just happens. I’m not emotionless in the slightest, but sometimes have difficulty experiencing them fully.

I had a good friend that passed away a few months ago, for example. I didn’t cry, even though I wanted to. I just kept on thinking about how he was being recycled back into the cosmos. Sounds geeky, but it was somewhat bittersweet.

That, of course, caused major discomfort on my end. I was at peace, yet wanted to feel remorse and anguish.

very well.

@ultimatestar ???

@Cotton101 Think he’s a spammer if you look at his other answers. Probably snowed in and his school is closed. Boredom kicked in.

Great question. In my later years, I tend to be more even-keeled than I used to be—fewers highs, and thankfully, fewer lows. And I can usually anticipate how I’ll react in a given situation and be prepared from deviations. That said, I’m never quite sure how I’ll react to criticism, especially to my creative work on the job, and even more ESPECIALLY when I know the work is good but is questioned by someone who doesn’t know when he
s talking about and whose opinion therefore I don’t respect. Know what I mean?

@Dibley My reading up on my autistic condition (Aspergers Syndrome) has given me some insight about why he would say that. Some of us feel things but are unable to put them into words, especially verbally face-to-face, and others interpret that as an indication that we are unfeeling. For example; I can talk about this in writing but it would be impossible for me to do this any other way.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Thanks. People have been so helpful in this and have made me feel a little better.

@Dibley Just remember that there are people who really do care.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land I try.

Not so well anymore. In the past three years I’ve tried to hone in on some destructive behaviors/reactions of mine that I don’t want repeats of, kind of a list going of things I feel I handled badly I look out for now. My present life is a work in progress, a sort of re programming to where I look on situations and think, “the old me would have done this but the current me will do this other thing in order to get the result I want or to not hurt someone else’s feelings”.

You’ve done it again Daloon, another GQ ^^

What fascinates me is my ability to predict my behaviour perfectly, but my inability to do anything about when I know that it is a bad course of action, most of the time anyway, does anyone else find that?

I used to be surprised, shocked and terrified of my emotional responses. I didn’t understand them or know what to do with them.

Years of therapy and emotional work and now I can say with 90% certainty how I will react. I know what my triggers are and how to avoid them or deal with them.

The hardest part is getting others to understand that when I say I can’t go anywhere that day (even though we had plans) it’s not because I don’t want to- it’s because if I do I will freak out and be miserable to be around.

@saraaaaaa So true! I know what my reaction will be but cannot control it. The closest I can come to control is avoiding the stimulus.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land At last I am not alone, avoiding the stimulus is a good one but not always possible, I hate feeling the darker sides of my personality.

Well, I’ve found that the older I get, the less I know! So, having said that, just go with the flow. Try not to worry very much about my actions..well, unlawful of course not..but, talking about my actions related to other people etc. Just be yourself and have fun and let the “chips fall where they fall!” Not worried about predicting my feelings, actions, etc…as long as they are lawful. Also, the Golden Rule is always applicable. Treating others like you like to be treated solves lots of problems.

@Cotton101 Yeah, I can relate. I, too, get stupider as I grow older. Although, in my case, it’s more than just becoming aware of how much more there is to know. More like Algernon, if you get my drift.

I can no longer predict my actions or feelings. I am a surprise to myself fairly often. Part of it is because I am trying to have fun, and let the chips fall wherever they will. It gets in the way of responsibilities and relationships I care deeply about. Fun is not all there is. I know this. Yet sometimes I find myself putting fun (or more precisely, and attempt to get closer to happiness) ahead of my responsibilities. I never would have done this before. But then, I had never experienced depression before. It seems to have changed me in unexpected (and not always desirable) ways.

@saraaaaaa No, we can’t always avoid the stimuli. The next best thing is anticipating them, if at all possible, and going into the situation in a kind of “armored shell”; not responding to anything. Just do what I have to do and leave. A compromise, choosing to be thought of as an uncaring asshole rather than as a madman.

@daloon the older i get, the less important are my responsibilities…not saying, that i don’t take care of them, but not priority like they were when i was younger. And, for that reason, don’t think i would work again. never say never…...my experience, the older i get, the less stuff that i would like to take care off…my mom is 87 and i have to pay all her bills etc…she does not want to fool with it. Can really understand…and neither do i want to pay my bills, much less her’s. Loll..but, somehow, i get it done!

good question..got to run..have a good one!

I know myself well enough to predict my attitudes the vast majority of the time (though certainly some of that is self fulfilling) and perhaps more importantly understand, to a certain depth, why I feel/act/emote the way I do. Sometimes the level to which something takes me is surprising but I’m usually pretty accurate. As to how it influences daily life, it keeps things more stable internally and when interacting with others but can also be a bit bland if I find myself over analyzing. Sometimes you just have to drop the thinking and enjoy the moment for what it is and not consider it beyond the here an now.

I wish I could predict and have more control over my feelings

There have been times, rare times, that I was surprised that I responded to a painful situation better than expected – in that I let it all go sooner than I would, ordinarily – that’s how I knew I loved him.

I am pretty comfortable with my behaviour in most situations.My life is pretty predictable and thus so is my behaviour.

@Blondesjon Oh great keep making people think it’s that easy! ;P
ha, just buggin ya. sort of.. I mean, I don’t think you can choose your feelings. I wouldn’t want to give anyone that kind of false hope.

You sort of can though, but it’s more involved than that. If you just try to “choose” to be happy when you’re sad.. i don’t think that’s realistic. You have to “force” yourself to be happy. You can’t simply choose it as @daloon‘s story seems to be proving.

You can do anything you’ve learned how to do. But you can’t do anything you don’t know how to learn.

<snicker>

@Blondesjon What’s that? You going on about knickers again?

I find myself a mystery to me. For most of my life I have been rather reclusive. It was not intentional and I was not even entirely aware of it. I have always had a mild depression, but I managed to cope. Then a few years ago I was hit with a massive depression. Looking back, it is a wonder why it did not occur sooner. It has caused me to rethink everything. I have learned quite a bit about myself, much of it not very pleasant. I would not wish depression on anyone, but I try to look at it as a kind of adventure.

@LostInParadise So happy to hear that you’ve found your way out. Some of us are still inside the pit and folks like you serve as an inspiration to us. +GA :)

@LostInParadise Lately, I’ve been thinking of it that way, too. I’ve been trying to figure out what I got out of depression. It nearly killed me, but it also gave me shit. For one thing, I understand it now, and I think it helps me be more empathetic than I was before. It has also made me reach out to people online (which also got me in trouble), and it has made me write.

I write to save my life, but maybe one or two times I’m also able to help others. I cherish those times. It makes me feel like my depression wasn’t for nothing.

Depression has also given me a pass to a club of wonderful people. I never would have met the person who is now my best friend without it. She wouldn’t have saved my life, and there’s a really good chance I’d be road kill on the cement by now. It allows me to talk about things like suicide and other horrible things without so much fear. Talking about it makes it lose some of it’s mystery. And I know where people are coming from when they want it.

I think that it also makes sense to look at our illnesses for the gifts they provide. I think our illnesses give us strengths that other people don’t have. I don’t quite know what these strengths are good for, but I believe that if we brainstormed, we’d come up with some good ideas.

Ok. Enough. Time to turn this into another question.