Social Question

summerlover's avatar

After years of marriage has your significant other turned into their parent even though they were nothing like them when you married?

Asked by summerlover (476points) January 9th, 2010
11 responses
“Great Question” (4points)

When I married my husband, he was nothing like his father. Now that we are over 40 he seems to be changing, becoming more and more like his father. This really surprises me…am I becoming more like my mother? I wonder if this is common?

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marinelife's avatar

Uh, I hate to admit this, but it is true. I have had to point out to my husband how much he is becoming like his mother.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I have heard many anecdotal reports of this. My daughter tells me that in raising her children, she is shocked to find that sometimes she opens her mouth to say something to her children and my words come out! Good or bad, we carry many internalised memories of things our parents said to us.

stevenb's avatar

My wife was already like her mother, but her mother is an angel so I am ok with that.

ccrow's avatar

^^Aww, that’s so sweet!

daemonelson's avatar

Though I’m not married, that would still be a most concerning event, were it to occur.

I think I’ll avoid that one.

filmfann's avatar

more unsettlingly, my wife has become a lot like MY mother.

Jack79's avatar

It happened on our wedding day, instantly. An amazing transformation. Most people tell me she was probably always like that and was hiding it, but I honestly believe that she was a different person up until that point and then just took on a different role.

lonelydragon's avatar

@filmfann Well, conventional wisdom says that men (consciously or unconsciously) seek out women who are like their mothers.

In answer to the question, I’m not married, but if that were to happen, it would be quite disconcerting. I think I’d try to positively influence my partner and hope that, with extra kindness, I could mitigate the effect of his mother or father’s temperament.

filmfann's avatar

@lonelydragon She wasn’t that way at all when we met!

Adagio's avatar

@lonelydragon positively influence my partner / mitigate the effect of his mother or father’s temperament ? your comments remind me how cynical I have become :)

YARNLADY's avatar

We’ve been married 35 years, and I can’t say I’ve noticed that much of a change. I think he’s a lot like he always was, except has less strength than he once did.

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